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The advantages and disadvantages of the children who are told that they can acchieve anything

The advantages and disadvantages of the children who are told that they can acchieve anything b2y7l
In some societies, people motivate children about reaching any target if they do their best in this path. This encouraging message can have pros and cons in different situations. In this essay, I will try to explain the possible causes of its negative and positive effects according to my experiences. First of all, it is beneficial to make children believe in their capacity of being successful. This is the way of raising self-dependent children. In some countries, there is a motto that says believing yourself is the half of being successful. In addition, the trust of people can make children more confident, and the children who believe in themselves can make more progress with brave steps for their purposes. Secondly, in some believings, the thoughts can give a message to the planet and change the destiny. Thus, being optimistic can be the cause of different positive situations. People can direct their fortune with positive believings. Thus, the children who have been raised with optimistic opinions can be more fortunate in their lives. On the other hand, there can be some drawbacks to this message. The children who believe that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough will be devastated on the contrary situations. It is not possible to reach every purpose in real life. People are created to desire always more and more, and it is important to be aware that some of them are impossible to realize. In my opinion, people have to create awareness about the differences between aims and dreams. Subsequently, make children believe in themselves about achieving their aims if they try enough, while they keep dreaming anything without the insurance of reaching it.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
societies,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about reaching any target if they do their best in this path. This encouraging message can have pros and cons in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situations. In this essay, I will try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the possible causes of its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects according to my experiences.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
in their capacity of being successful. This is the way of raising self-dependent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries, there is a motto that says believing yourself is the half of being successful.
In addition
, the trust of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more confident, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
in themselves can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
more progress with brave steps for their purposes.

Secondly
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
believings
, the thoughts can give a message to the planet and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the destiny.
Thus
, being optimistic can be the cause of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
situations.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can direct their fortune with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
Possible spelling mistake found.
believings
.
Thus
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who have
been raised
with optimistic opinions can be more fortunate in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

On the other hand
, there can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks to this message. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that they can achieve anything if they try
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
will
be devastated
on the contrary
situations. It is not possible to reach every purpose in real life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are created
to
The adverb 'always' is usually put before the verb 'desire'.
desire always
more and more, and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to be aware that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them are impossible to realize.

In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
create awareness about the differences between aims and dreams.
Subsequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
in themselves about achieving their aims if they try
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, while they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
dreaming anything without the insurance of reaching it.
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It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay The advantages and disadvantages of the children who are told that they can acchieve anything

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
280 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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