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Influence by the advertisement to us

Influence by the advertisement to us VBWl3
I agree the opinion that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. I have three reasons. First, I have an experience that I want to buy things for advertising on TV. If I did not watch the TV, I would not want to buy it and would not possible to be interested in it. So, it is able to say that I can be interested in it for advertising on TV. Certainly, I am also able to understand the opinion that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it, because I think that advertising on TV is so long and I want to skip it for watching drama. Recently, It increases on youtube too, so we may be think that advertising is no longer attention to, but as I spoke in a while ago, to exist people who take an interest for advertising like me is possible to prove things that some people are effected by advertisement on TV, youtube and so on. Especially if my favorite actor appears to the advertisement, I want to buy and research it more and more, because I would like to get the same things that famous actors and entertainers. And if not advertising, we do not have opportunity which we know about it. Furthermore, some of elderly people cannot control PC and smartphone well. So, they only get information by TV and newspaper. For these reasons, I agree the opinions that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
the opinion that advertising is
extremely
successful at persuading us to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
things. I have three reasons.

First
, I have an experience that I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
things for advertising on TV. If I did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the TV, I would not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
it and would not possible to
be interested
in it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is able to say that I can
be interested
in it for advertising on TV.

Certainly
, I am
also
able to understand the opinion that advertising is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
common that we no longer pay attention to it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that advertising on TV is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
long and I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to skip it for watching drama. Recently, It increases on
Possible spelling mistake found.
youtube
too,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we may be
Consider using a past participle here: "thought".
think
that advertising is no longer attention to,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as I spoke in a while ago, to exist
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who take an interest for advertising like me is possible to prove things that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are effected
by advertisement on TV,
Possible spelling mistake found.
youtube
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

Especially
if my favorite actor appears to the advertisement, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
and research it more and more,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the same things that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
actors and entertainers. And if not advertising, we do not have opportunity which we know about it.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
cannot control PC and smartphone well.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
information by TV and newspaper.

For these reasons, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
the opinions that advertising is
extremely
successful at persuading us to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
things.
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IELTS essay Influence by the advertisement to us

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
255 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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