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INDIVIDUAL MEMBERS OF A FAMILY HAVE THEIR OWN TECHNOLOGICAL DEVICE BY WHICH THEY CAN CONTACT OTHER MEMBERS OF THEIR FAMILY. SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT THIS WILL ACTUALLY WEAKEN FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS. HOW FAR DO YOU AGREE?

INDIVIDUAL MEMBERS OF A FAMILY HAVE THEIR OWN TECHNOLOGICAL DEVICE BY WHICH THEY CAN CONTACT OTHER MEMBERS OF THEIR FAMILY. SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT THIS WILL ACTUALLY WEAKEN FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS. HOW FAR DO YOU AGREE? g8JRa
Indeed, cutting-edge communication devices, such as cell phones have revolutionized the way people maintain contact each other providing tremendous ease to reach anyone regardless of the physical distance. However, some complain that as a result of these innovations the ties of kinship are increasingly eroding, with which I partially agree, as will now be examined. Without doubt, up-to-date cell phones and similar gadgets like tablets have reduced face-to-face interaction and visits between people who are related by blood. Due to the contemporary society’s tendency to opt for what is easier, people are now more likely to text or make a video call via WhatsApp or Messenger rather than pay a visit in order to have a chat with a relative who perhaps lives within walking or driving distance. Nevertheless, this type of communication is not so effective since/inasmuch as emotions are not exchanged naturally without truly being together, which means/reveals that family members are becoming less attached, or even alienated from one another over time. Admittedly, online messaging or video chat may be the best option to stay connected with family members who live far away. Obviously, not everyone can afford to embark on a long distance journey too frequently merely to meet their relatives. Thanks to the low cost of virtual communication tools, however, modern world population are obliged to text, hear and even see their close ones who they would otherwise hardly ever hear from. For example, most fathers turn out to live apart from their families so as to financially support their family budget by working abroad, notably in neighboring countries, for instance, Turkey or Russia in our country. Through electronic devices which enable people to have free contact with others, those fathers enjoy having lengthy conversation with their children and spouses. All points having been discussed, the wide availability and popularity of smartphones and other devices which allow communication tends to have a largely negative impact on the relationship between family members, yet these facilities might also prevent family bonds from fading away completely. It is therefore recommended that people not give much preference to these virtual means while they are able to meet each other.
Indeed
, cutting-edge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
devices, such as cell phones have revolutionized the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
maintain contact each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
providing tremendous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
to reach anyone regardless of the physical distance.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
complain that
as a result
of these innovations the ties of kinship are
increasingly
eroding, with which I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
, as will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
be examined
.

Without doubt, up-to-date cell phones and similar gadgets like tablets have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
face-to-face
interaction and visits between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are related
by blood. Due to the contemporary society’s tendency to opt for what is easier,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
more likely to text or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a video call via WhatsApp or Messenger
rather
than pay a visit in order to have a chat with a relative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
perhaps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
within walking or driving distance.
Nevertheless
, this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
effective since/inasmuch as emotions are not exchanged
naturally
without
truly
being together, which means/reveals that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members are becoming less attached, or even alienated from one another over time.

Admittedly
, online messaging or video chat may be the best option to stay connected with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
far away.
Obviously
, not everyone can afford to embark on a long distance journey too
frequently
merely
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their relatives. Thanks to the low cost of virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
tools,
however
, modern world population
are obliged
to text, hear and even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their close ones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
they would
otherwise
hardly ever hear from.
For example
, most fathers turn out to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
apart from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
financially
support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
budget by working abroad,
notably
in neighboring countries,
for instance
, Turkey or Russia in our country. Through electronic devices which enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have free contact with others, those fathers enjoy having lengthy conversation with their children and spouses.

All points having
been discussed
, the wide availability and popularity of smartphones and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
devices which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
tends to have a
largely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the relationship between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members,
yet
these facilities might
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bonds from fading away completely. It is
therefore
recommended that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not give much preference to these virtual means while they are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
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IELTS essay INDIVIDUAL MEMBERS OF A FAMILY HAVE THEIR OWN TECHNOLOGICAL DEVICE BY WHICH THEY CAN CONTACT OTHER MEMBERS OF THEIR FAMILY. SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT THIS WILL ACTUALLY WEAKEN FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS. HOW FAR DO YOU AGREE?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
360 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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