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Indeed, according to the point of my view, it has many gains when you go to large cities instead of living in your hometown forever.

Indeed, according to the point of my view, it has many gains when you go to large cities instead of living in your hometown forever. QKLPP
Along with the development of social culture. Nowadays, many people choose to leave their hometown to go to another big city to look for a job and have lots of growth opportunities. Indeed, according to the point of my view, it has many gains when you go to large cities instead of living in your hometown forever. First of all, in the big city, you will have big opportunities to go with. It is not much to say that you can find a good job with a high salary or your dream job, which do not have in your hometown. Moreover, you can find a lot of utilities to help your life less difficult, such as “grab”, “beamin”, delivery service, . . . for your request to move everywhere, to eat everything or to ship items for everyone. Although this may be true that living in large cities has its disadvantages. Sure, if you accept to live there, you will accept that the price will be expensive more than in your country. It is also hard to find neighbours. Because the general view is, people in the city are busier than people who live in the village. They tend to live separately from neighbours, sometimes you will be feeling lonely. So I think it is the biggest that's what it trades. To put it simply, I love to go to another city more than live in my small village. But it seems evident that living in a hometown or going to large cities have their own unique advantages.
Along with the development of social culture. Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hometown
to go to another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
city to look for a job and have lots of growth opportunities.
Indeed
, according to the point of my view, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
gains when you go to large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
instead
of living in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hometown
forever.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
city, you will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
go with
. It is not much to say that you can find a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job with a high salary or your dream job, which do not have in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hometown
.
Moreover
, you can find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
utilities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
your life less difficult, such as “grab”, “
Possible spelling mistake found.
beamin
”, delivery service
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
your request to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
everywhere, to eat everything or to ship items for everyone.

“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
this may be true that living in large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
has its disadvantages. Sure, if you accept to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
there, you will accept that the price will be expensive more than in your country. It is
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to find
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
the general view is,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the city are busier than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in the village. They tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
separately
from
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
you will be feeling lonely.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is the biggest that's what it trades.

To put it
simply
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to go to another city more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in my
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
village.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it seems evident that living in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hometown
or going to large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
unique advantages.
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IELTS essay Indeed, according to the point of my view, it has many gains when you go to large cities instead of living in your hometown forever.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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