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In your own opinion, what do you think are the factors that contribute to longevity? List some examples and reasons to support your answer.

In your own opinion, what do you think are the factors that contribute to longevity? List some examples and reasons to support your answer. BJ3lV
Nowadays, there are many aspects that can provide a long life. In my view there are two big factors which can give people a long life. There are factors External and Internal and I believe if we can manage two factors rightly, we can have a long life. There are external factors which can provide a long life. The one of the important things in the world is family, a place where people can be who they are. The second one is what they consume. The more they eat healthy food such as peanuts, vegetables, fish, and fruit can help them to live without any illness such as blood sugar, diabetes, heart attack, and other illnesses because of food. The third one is regular exercise which can make the body stay balanced with protein and fat that they consume. Also, another external factor is medicine; people consuming either herbal or non-herbal are very useful. To conclude there are four external aspects that can give people a long life there are family, food, environment, and medicine. On the other hand, internal factors contribute to making people have a long life. There is emotional intelligence that people use to control their emotions, stress, and depression. This knowledge can lead people to have controlling emotions which can contribute to their health to stay stable. However, religion can provide people to have long life, because religion can give them positive thinking and peach when they pray and read the bible for example in my religion or read Al-Qur'an for Muslim and other religion. Another aspect that is important is how they manage their mind to think when people have true perspective when they have problems, control their mind and stay positive. In conclusion there are several internal factors that can help people have longevity there are emotional intelligence, religion and their perspective when they have problems. There are factors External and Internal and I believe if we can manage two factors rightly, we can have a long life. There are four external aspects that can give people a long life there are family, food, environment, and medicine. Therefore, there are several internal factors that can help people have longevity. There is emotional intelligence, religion and their perspective when they have problems.
Nowadays, there are
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many
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aspects
that can provide a
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long
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life
. In my view there are two
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big
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factors
which can
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give
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people
a
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long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. There are
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factors
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External
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Internal
and I believe if we can manage two
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factors
rightly
, we can have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
life.

There are
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external
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
which can provide a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. The one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things in the world is family, a place where
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people
can be who they are. The second one is what they consume.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
more they eat healthy
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food
such as peanuts, vegetables, fish, and fruit can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without any illness such as blood sugar, diabetes, heart attack, and other illnesses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
third one is regular exercise which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the body stay balanced with protein and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
that they consume.
Also
, another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
external
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factor
is medicine;
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people
consuming either herbal or non-herbal are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful.
To conclude
there are four
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external
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
that can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
there are family,
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food
, environment, and medicine.

On the other hand
,
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internal
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factors
contribute to making
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people
have a
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long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. There is emotional intelligence that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to control their emotions,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, and depression. This knowledge can lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have controlling emotions which can contribute to their health to stay stable.
However
,
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religion
can provide
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people
to have
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long
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life
,
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because
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religion
can
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give
them
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positive
thinking and peach when they pray and read the bible
for example
in my
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religion
or read
Possible spelling mistake found.
Al-Qur
'
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
for Muslim and other
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religion
. Another
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aspect
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
is how they manage their mind to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
when
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people
have true perspective when they have problems, control their mind and stay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
.
In conclusion
there are several
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internal
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factors
that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
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people
have longevity there are emotional intelligence,
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religion
and their perspective when they have problems.

There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
External
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Internal
and I believe if we can manage two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
rightly
, we can have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. There are four
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
external
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
that can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
there are family,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, environment, and medicine.
Therefore
, there are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
internal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have longevity. There is emotional intelligence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religion
and their perspective when they have problems.
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IELTS essay In your own opinion, what do you think are the factors that contribute to longevity? List some examples and reasons to support your answer.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
377 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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