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In your opinion what are the possible reasons for drug use especially among young people?

In your opinion what are the possible reasons for drug use especially among young people? 6p6WG
Using drugs is getting more common and more dangerous. Societies need to prevent people from using drugs. The two reasons why people use drugs are their unhappiness and unawareness. First of all, individuals in modern societies are unhappy because of reasons such as future anxiety and daily stres, especially young people. Probably, they want to take a break from their stressful lives, so they continue the bad habits although everybody knows the danger of using drugs. In addition, young people dont know how to spend their time. Since they have experienced everyting, they want to try new things. As a result, people’s lives so stressful. They want to avoid stressful life and they need to relax. Secondly, The society should be informed about dangers and addiction of drugs. They have no idea about effects of using drugs. If governtments informed their citizens about how dangerous drugs are, use rates couldn't increase. Although they know that, they prefer to prohibit them instead of informng people. Moreover, since people wonder how it feels to use drugs, they use them. According to me, if you forbid something without any reason, what you forbid have become more attractive for people. Therefore, before your are forbidden, you have to give reasons. To sum up, using drugs is the most dangerous thing we have to tackle and this habit has a lot of reasons. We have to fix this problem, before gets worse. We should try to inform people and prevent people from like this addiction. In addition, every person should distinguish between good or bad, and they should strive to be happy.
Using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
is getting more common and more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
. Societies need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
. The two
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reasons
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
are their unhappiness and unawareness.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, individuals in modern societies are unhappy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
such as future anxiety and daily
Possible spelling mistake found.
stres
,
especially
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Probably
, they want to take a break from their stressful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they continue the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits although everybody knows the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
.
In addition
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake found
dont
know how to spend their time. Since they have experienced
Possible spelling mistake found.
everyting
, they want to try new things.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
stressful. They want to avoid stressful
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
they need to relax.

Secondly
, The society should
be informed
about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
and addiction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
. They have no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about effects of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
. If
Possible spelling mistake found.
governtments
informed their citizens about how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
are,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
rates couldn't increase. Although they know that, they prefer to prohibit them
instead
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
informng
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
wonder how it feels to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, if you forbid something without any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
, what you forbid have become more attractive for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
your
are forbidden
, you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
give reasons.

To sum up, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
thing we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
tackle and this habit has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
. We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
this problem,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
worse. We should try to inform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from like this addiction.
In addition
, every person should distinguish between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
, and they should strive to be happy.
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IELTS essay In your opinion what are the possible reasons for drug use especially among young people?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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