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crime rates has increased with the advancement of technology do you agree or disagree?

crime rates has increased with the advancement of technology rkYVL
criminal offence is rapidly growing due to advancement in engineering science, I have no objection with the statement that's the major cause is people being unemployed even after having excel skills in engineering science firstly, initiating with the demand of engineering profession across the globe which is are unemployed even though having excellent skills which results in diverting of their minds towards the bad usage of their skills rather than bad in an addition everyone needs money to survive and for the sake of money people kill the others with the advanced of the applied science to exemplify the criminal case which took place in Sydney where a rich women was brutally murdered, and soon after the investigation its cleared that the murderer was an AI robot but not human secondly, on a paradoxical side nowadays as growing population every individual's essential need is technology gadgets to make their work more effortless and quick and one of the major incredible part of technology is smartphone. although smart phone is very useful it has some drawback. however according to the mind of a criminal he or she first know about the victim and in order to do so he uses technology to hack victims device and soon after knowing everything criminal attempts the crime for instance the crime occurred in India in recent years where the victim was murdered at the main highway which stretches from his work place to his favorite restaurant and according to the investigation the victim most often used to visit there which clearly states that the murderer first step was to know the victims location and that was only possible by GPS tracker in conclusion, I belive that having advanced engineering science present in our lives can fact do more harm to people when it comes to their good. its curbed more crimes has rapidly increased than ever science before which made more nation feel insecure
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
criminal
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
is
rapidly
growing due to advancement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
science, I have no objection with the statement that's the major cause is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
being unemployed
even after having excel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
science

firstly
, initiating with the demand of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
profession across the globe which is
are unemployed
even though
having excellent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which results in diverting of their minds towards the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
usage of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
in an addition everyone needs money to survive and for the sake of money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
kill the others with
The phrase 'the advanced of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the advanced of
the applied science

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
to
exemplify the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
case which took place in Sydney where a rich
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "woman"?
women
was
brutally
murdered, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
after the investigation its cleared that the murderer was an AI robot
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not human

secondly
, on a paradoxical side nowadays as growing population every individual's essential need is technology gadgets to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their work more effortless and quick and one of the major incredible part of technology is smartphone.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
although
smart phone is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawback.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
however
according to the mind of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
he or she
first
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "knows", "knew".
know
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
victim
and in order to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
technology to hack
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
victims
device and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
after knowing everything
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
attempts the crime
for instance
the crime occurred in India in recent
It is better to use 'years' with the time-relative pronoun 'when': "years when". (Alternatively, use 'in/on which')
years where
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
victim
was murdered
at the main highway which stretches from his work place to his favorite restaurant and according to the investigation the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
victim
most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to visit there which
clearly
states that the murderer
first
step was to know the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
victims
location and that was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
possible by GPS
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
tracker


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
conclusion,
Did you mean "I believe"?
I belive
that having advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
science present in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
can fact do more harm to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
its
curbed more crimes has
rapidly
increased than ever science
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
which made more nation feel
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
insecure
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IELTS essay crime rates has increased with the advancement of technology

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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