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In today's modern world we can see that people use technological apparatus more than ever hence some people think that it has brought people closer together whilst some people disagree about this notion.

In today's modern world we can see that people use technological apparatus more than ever hence some people think that it has brought people closer together whilst some people disagree about this notion. M19p
In today's modern world we can see that people use technological apparatus more than ever hence some people think that it has brought people closer together whilst some people disagree about this notion. In this essay will discuss both side of argument. The advent of the Internet and technological devices caused that people can communicate with many people and their friends In dating applications or social networking site like Facebook that caused people have interaction with each other more than before. Nonetheless this way of communication makes some people scared to interact in real life face-to-face Furthermore technology makes people fake, it doesn't show the real trait of a person. For example, before the invention of social media people shared happiness, pain, smiles and they extended their helping hand to follow humans. on the other hand, some believe that excess use of technology make people are becoming more isolated moreover it deprives of real human interactions. For instants, these days students prefer to search about their lessons on the website instead of working in a group or with their classmates or more children prefer to spend their time playing mobile or computer games in their home rather than playing outdoor games. As a result, they don't get a chance to speak with children of their age or their family. The advances in technology have made people show more interest in online life but this advancement might have brought people closer on a platform, but have reduced the feeling of empathy. In conclusion, though technology offers greater connectivity among people worldwide, but in my opinion new technologies have caused people to be less social thus I don't agree with this statement. However, we should be careful about it's right usage. Ali Farrokhi AC
In
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today
's modern world we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
technological apparatus more than ever
hence
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some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it has brought
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
closer together whilst
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
disagree about this notion. In this essay will discuss both side of argument.

The advent of the Internet and technological devices caused that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can communicate with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and their friends In dating applications or social networking site like Facebook that caused
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have interaction with each other more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Nonetheless
this way of communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
scared to interact in real life face-to-face
Furthermore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
fake, it doesn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the real trait of a person.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the invention of social media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
shared happiness, pain,
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
smiles and
they extended their helping hand to follow humans.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the other hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that excess
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming more isolated
moreover
it deprives of real human interactions. For instants, these days students prefer to search about their lessons on the website
instead
of working in a group or with their classmates or more children prefer to spend their time playing mobile or computer games in their home
rather
than playing outdoor games.
As a result
, they don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to speak with children of their age or their family. The advances in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
have made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
more interest in online life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this advancement might have brought
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
closer on a platform,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the feeling of empathy.

In conclusion
, though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
offers greater connectivity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
worldwide,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my opinion new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
have caused
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be less social
thus
I don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.
However
, we should be careful about it's right usage.

Ali
Possible spelling mistake found.
Farrokhi
AC
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IELTS essay In today's modern world we can see that people use technological apparatus more than ever hence some people think that it has brought people closer together whilst some people disagree about this notion.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
291 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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