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Growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lesson in the school curriculum To what extent to you agree?

Growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lesson in the school curriculum lkNo
Overweight has become one of the reason of the severe health issue and which lead the health department to hassle. According to some, people believe that to get rid of this problem physical education ought to be added more to school curriculum. I totally agree with this that more physical education should be introduce to school curriculum to control the problems related to obesity. First of all, it is worth considering that giving physical awareness at early age will be more beneficial as compare to other ages. Obesity can be controlled by providing more physical lesson to school curriculum such as sports activity, exercise and athletics. As far as I know, most probably schools have only one lesson for physical activities and sports week once a year. Even though, people are focusing problem due to obesity. More lesson of physical education ought to be added to the curriculum. In school more awareness ought to be given in the form of practically and theoretical form which can encourage students and they will learn about healthy lifestyle at an early age which will be helpful to them in future. Another factor to consider that active education helps in motor skills and balancing natural energy way such and sleeping and eating. Not only eating but sleeping play and important role in healthy lifestyle. For instance, active child who is more into physical activities to complete his other tasks on time to be more participated in physical activities which will keep him balanced. According to expert if your sleep and eating habit is balanced you are consider to be on a healthy path. Taking everything into consideration, I agree that duration of physical education in schools should be increased. Which will definitely take off the work load from health system to treat people suffering from health issues due to overweight.
Overweight has become one of the reason of the severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issue and which lead the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
department to hassle. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of this problem
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
ought to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
more to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should be
Consider using the past participle "introduced"?
introduce
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
to control the problems related to obesity.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is worth considering that giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
awareness at early age will be more beneficial as compare to other ages. Obesity can
be controlled
by providing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
lesson to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
such as sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
, exercise and athletics. As far as I know, most
probably
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one lesson for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and sports week once a year.
Even though
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are focusing problem due to obesity. More lesson of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
ought to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
more awareness ought to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in the form of
practically
and theoretical form which can encourage
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
students and
they will learn about healthy lifestyle at an early age which will be helpful to them
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.

Another factor to consider that active
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in motor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and balancing natural energy way such and sleeping and eating. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
eating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
sleeping play and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in healthy lifestyle.
For instance
, active child who is more into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to complete his other tasks on time to be more participated in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
him balanced. According to expert if your sleep and eating habit
is balanced
you are
Consider using a past participle here: "considered".
consider
to be on a healthy path.

Taking everything into consideration, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that duration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should
be increased
.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
will definitely take off the work load from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
system to treat
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suffering from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues due to overweight.
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IELTS essay Growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lesson in the school curriculum

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lesson in the school curriculum To what extent to you agree?