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Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people saying or doing. In many cases, people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people saying or doing. In many cases, people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages jq71
Now, technology is using for monitoring people actions and saying. In several instances, people are monitoring without any unawares that it is happening. There are some advantages of being monitored such as being sure that everything is nice, but there are also some disadvantages like violation of personal space. The advantages of being monitored are controlling peoples’ action. It would be suitable to control children while there are surfing the internet and ban an extra information. Monitoring their surfing history helps parents to control children. Because, there are a lot of extra information that are not necessary for children. While people actions are monitoring by special cameras it makes the confidence of life security. Especially, being safe from danger around people. The major drawback is violation personal space. Nowadays, people are using digital devices on whole time. So, tracking their life by cameras breaks people security. It might be regarded as violation of people security. The other disadvantage is losing private information. People often save their personal information on their digital devices. This is why, tracking their actions and having an access to their personal information is uncomfortable for people. For instance, laptops are used to save personal photos or some documents. In this case, it would make some inconvenience for people life and personal security. To sum up, there are some advantages and disadvantages of monitoring people. In my personal opinion, the disadvantages of monitoring people actions and saying is outweigh the advantages. Because tracking people actions should make some discomfort in people privacy.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, technology is using for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monitoring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
actions and saying. In several instances,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monitoring
without any unawares that it is happening. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
of
being monitored
such as being sure that everything is nice,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages like violation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
space.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
of
being monitored
are controlling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
action
. It would be suitable to control children while there are surfing the internet and ban an extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Monitoring
their surfing history
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
parents to control children.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
that are not necessary for children.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
actions are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monitoring
by special cameras it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the confidence of life security.
Especially
, being safe from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
around
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

The major drawback is violation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
space. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are using digital devices on whole time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, tracking their life by cameras breaks
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
security. It might
be regarded
as violation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
security. The other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disadvantage
is losing private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
save their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
on their digital devices. This is why, tracking their actions and having
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "access".
an access
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is uncomfortable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, laptops are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
photos or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
documents.
In this case
, it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
inconvenience for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
life and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
security.

To sum up, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
and disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monitoring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
opinion, the disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monitoring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
actions and saying is
Consider using a past participle here: "outweighed".
outweigh
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
tracking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
actions should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
discomfort in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
privacy.
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IELTS essay Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people saying or doing. In many cases, people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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