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   In today's modern world we can see that people use technological apparatus more than ever hence some people think that it has brought people closer together whilst some people disagree about this notion.In this essay will discuss both side of argument.  

In today's modern world we can see that people use technological apparatus more than ever hence some people think that it has brought people closer together whilst some people disagree about this notion. In this essay will bgpP
It is argued that people who use technology has been became more gregarious. While I agree with them, I believe that there are also teenagers who have been negatively affected by technology. On the one hand, I agree with those who believe modern world with technology in 21 century has sociable people around the world. Firstly each person can be connected to a person in other society where is so far from his or her hometown with different language and culture. In addition there are many services like skype or social network such as Facebook as well as Instagram which are used for share each moment of our personal life with our friends and people who are just our followers, or even allow people in different countries to interact without ever meet each other in different cases like business, education, and social life. Secondly technology has certainly revolutionized in students life which has had an influence on their studies. For instance, a student can take video lessons with teacher in addition many of psychologists agree that if student being in touch with their teacher, it can help students’ self confident. On the other hand, in my opinion technology can extremely has negative impact on adolescents’ life. Nowadays, most of people who are young or young at heart have became slaves to technology specially teenagers. For example, many of them choose to make friends online rather than mixing with their classmates in the real world and these virtual relationships are a poor substitute for real friendship. Furthermore, most of the users of computer games are addicted to playing games that may due to the fact that many researchers believe technology isolating people and does not allow them to have real communication. In conclusion, technology can control human social life in various ways. Technology in various ways can make people keen to connect with each other if any person can limit and balanced the use of anything related to technology otherwise it has a destructive effect on social life of each person. Sara haghighi Academic
It
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has been
Consider using a past participle here: "become".
became
more gregarious. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with them, I believe that there are
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have been
negatively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by technology.

On the one hand, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
believe modern world with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in
Did you mean "21st century"?
21 century
has sociable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world.
Firstly
each person can
be connected
to a person in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
society where is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
hometown with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
language and culture. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
services like skype or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
network such as Facebook
as well
as Instagram which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for share each moment of our personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with our friends and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
our followers, or even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries to interact without ever
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cases like business, education, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Secondly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
certainly
revolutionized in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
which has had an influence on their studies.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
can take video lessons with teacher
in addition
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of psychologists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
being in touch with their teacher, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self confident
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, in my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can
extremely
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "have"
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on adolescents’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Nowadays, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are young or young at heart have
Use past participle here: "become".
became
slaves to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
specially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends online
rather
than mixing with their classmates in the real world and these virtual relationships are a poor substitute for real friendship.
Furthermore
, most of the users of computer games
are addicted
to playing games that may due to the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
researchers believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
isolating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to have real communication.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can control human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in various ways.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
in various ways can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
keen to connect with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
if any person can limit and balanced the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of anything related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
otherwise
it has a destructive effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of each person.

Sara
Possible spelling mistake found.
haghighi


Academic
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IELTS essay In today's modern world we can see that people use technological apparatus more than ever hence some people think that it has brought people closer together whilst some people disagree about this notion. In this essay will

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
342 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  •    In today's modern world we can see that people use technological apparatus more than ever hence some people think that it has brought people closer together whilst some people disagree about this notion.In this essay will discuss both side of argument.