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Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To What extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. xJRa
In this contemporary era, different celebrities from multifarious fields like entertainment, cricket, advertising and so on, are well known for more because of their dazzling lives and wealth rather than their achievements. And resulting in a bad influence for the young generation of the world. I partially agree with this scenario and will be discussing both the sides in the essay. To commence with, the youngsters choose the famous celebrities as their role models by just seeing the glimpse of their Luxurious and dazzling lifestyles. They try to impersonate them, and hence end up spending immense money for the same. Sometimes to attain a celebrity's lifestyle they also borrow money from their friends or family members. It has been observed that 90% of the teenagers tend to follow the dressing style of the famous personalities, thus spending massive amount to do so. On the contrary, plethora of debutant celebrity have worked diligently to reach to such a successful platform despite being from a not so privileged backgrounds. This very well showcase the example of rags to riches amongst the teens. Furthermore, myriad of famous personalities beleive in leading a simple way of life. These all factors inspires the young generation to work hard to achieve their life goals and also the luxurious lifestyles. To exemplify, In a TV interview Sushant Singh Rajput, a well known bollywood star, stated that he used to watch Shahrukh Khan's films and lifestyle and that is where from he got all his inspiration to become actor from him. To encapsulate, it can be concluded that it depends on person to person how to perceive things and the dazzling lifestyle of the celebrities. Some people _______ whereas others takes it contrcutively and work har to attain their goals.
In this contemporary era,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
from multifarious fields like entertainment, cricket, advertising and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, are well known for more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their dazzling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and wealth
rather
than their achievements. And resulting in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influence for the young generation of the world. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this scenario and will be discussing both the sides in the essay.

To commence with, the youngsters choose the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
as their role models by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
seeing the glimpse of their Luxurious and dazzling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
. They try to impersonate them, and
hence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up spending immense money for the same.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
to attain a celebrity's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
they
also
borrow money from their friends or family members. It has
been observed
that 90% of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
tend to follow the dressing style of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
personalities,
thus
spending massive amount to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

On the contrary
, plethora of debutant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
have worked
diligently
to reach to such a successful platform despite being from a not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
privileged backgrounds. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well showcase the example of rags to riches amongst the teens.
Furthermore
, myriad of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
personalities
Possible spelling mistake found.
beleive
in leading a simple way of life. These all factors
You should probably use "inspire".
inspires
the young generation to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to achieve their life goals and
also
the luxurious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
. To exemplify, In a TV interview
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sushant
Singh
Possible spelling mistake found.
Rajput
, a well known
Possible spelling mistake found.
bollywood
star, stated that he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
Possible spelling mistake found.
Shahrukh
Khan's films and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
and
that is
where from he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
all his inspiration to become actor from him.

To encapsulate, it can
be concluded
that it depends on person to person how to perceive things and the dazzling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
_______ whereas others takes it
Possible spelling mistake found.
contrcutively
and work
Possible spelling mistake found.
har
to attain their goals.
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IELTS essay Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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