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In today’s competitive world ,Many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work ,While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, Other feel s they lack support because of their parents absence . Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

In today’s competitive world, Many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work, While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, Other feel s they lack support because of their parents absence. jJmM
In the past, in a typical family it was usually the father was the bread earner. who provide food, clothing, shelter and education to their family and kids. However it has became mandatory for both parents to earn extra income which would benefit their children and family. From my perspective this situation can affect children’s both positively and negatively. We will discuss both views in forthcoming paragraphs and provide relevant example. To commence with, Due to the rising inflation and competition in the market it is advisable for both parents to work to earn some extra capital. if both parents are working they could provide better education to their pupils by sending them to better schools and colleges to be in a league or provide latest gadgets and go on a dream holiday. Secondly if there is only single member of the family is earning it will be difficult for them to survive in this competitive world. For instance, with additional income family can opt for new gadgets or go on a dream vacation without any problem. These are some of reasons why having an additional income is beneficial for family and children On the contrary, As both parents will be on working to earn some extra chips, young kids are bound to leave alone without someone support who could look after them. which occasionally affect their educational and social behavior towards society. Occasionally when kids face difficulty in their study they are left alone and face embarrassment in their class due to which they get involved in committing petty crimes and usually gets involved in illegal activities such as taking drugs and tobaccos For instance As per the survey conducted by Ministry of health department more than 37% of crimes are commited by children under 18. In addition to this, When I was growing up both my parents were working to provide us all the luxury. On the other hand I think that it would sometimes have been better they could have spend some more time with me and spend some quality time with them. To Recapitulate, In this essay we discussed that we cannot change the fact that both parents needs to work nowadays to support the family, but if parents spare some time with their children they would not get involve in adapting illegal activities.
In the past, in a typical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
it was
usually
the father was the bread earner.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
food, clothing, shelter and education to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and kids.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
it has
Use past participle here: "become".
became
mandatory for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to earn extra income which would benefit their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. From my perspective this situation can affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
both
positively
and
negatively
. We will discuss both views in forthcoming paragraphs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
relevant example.

To commence with, Due to the rising inflation and competition in the market it is advisable for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to work to earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extra capital.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
if
both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are working they could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
better education to their pupils by sending them to better schools and colleges to be in a league or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
gadgets and go on a dream holiday.
Secondly
if there is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
single member of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is earning it will be difficult for them to survive in this competitive world.
For instance
, with additional income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
can opt for new gadgets or go on a dream vacation without any problem. These are
After 'some of', you should use 'the' ("some of the reasons") or simply say "some reasons".
some of reasons
why having an additional income is beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
children


On the contrary
, As both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will be on working to earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extra chips, young kids
are bound
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
alone without someone support who could look after them.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
which
occasionally
affect their educational and social behavior towards society.
Occasionally
when kids face difficulty in their study they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
alone and face embarrassment in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
due to which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in committing petty crimes and
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
involved in illegal activities such as taking drugs and tobaccos
For instance
As per the survey conducted by Ministry of health department more than 37% of crimes are
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "committed", the past tense form of the verb 'commit'?
commited
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
under 18.

In addition
to this, When I was growing up both my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
were working to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
us all the luxury.
On the other hand
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
have been better they could have
Use past participle here: "spent".
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
more time with me and spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
quality time with them.

To Recapitulate, In this essay we discussed that we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the fact that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
needs to work nowadays to support the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
spare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
they would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involve in adapting illegal activities.
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IELTS essay In today’s competitive world, Many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work, While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, Other feel s they lack support because of their parents absence.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
388 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • In today’s competitive world ,Many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work ,While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, Other feel s they lack support because of their parents absence . Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.