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In today highly developed era,it's true that showing off many famous people their wealth rather than their achievement is growing rapidly which has a negative effect on the minds of youth.The mass media will be a bride in showing this pomp and extrovagance which is impressionable to youth. In first paragraph I'm going to show some reasons for disagreement.In second paragraph we will examine possible negative outcomes for future. Firstly,young people tend to prioritize money over everything else.They become willing to go easy way to their goal and don't want to sweat for getting success.The recurrence of this condition results in the defect of laziness and making visible in public becomes a way of life.As a result some years later this habbit is completely absorbed into the human body.Boasting,wanting to show off, makes a person forget himself that he or she is in the public eye and can not get out of this situation. Secondly,As I said above internet,TV,mobile phone transmit luxery vi

In today highly developed era, it's true that showing off many famous people their wealth rather than their achievement is growing rapidly which has a negative effect on the minds of youth. The mass media will be a bride in showing this pomp and extrovagance which is impressionable to youth. In first paragraph I'm going to show some reasons for disagreement. In second paragraph we will examine possible negative outcomes for future. Firstly, young people tend to prioritize money over everything else. They become willing to go easy way to their goal and don't want to sweat for getting success. The recurrence of this condition results in the defect of laziness and making visible in public becomes a way of life. As a result some years later this habbit is completely absorbed into the human body. Boasting, wanting to show off, makes a person forget himself that he or she is in the public eye and can not get out of this situation. Secondly, As I said above internet, TV, mobile phone transmit luxery vi 06ldQ
In today highly developed era, it's true that showing off many famous people their wealth rather than their achievement is growing rapidly which has a negative effect on the minds of youth. The mass media will be a bride in showing this pomp and extrovagance which is impressionable to youth. In first paragraph I'm going to show some reasons for disagreement. In second paragraph we will examine possible negative outcomes for future. Firstly, young people tend to prioritize money over everything else. They become willing to go easy way to their goal and don't want to sweat for getting success. The recurrence of this condition results in the defect of laziness and making visible in public becomes a way of life. As a result some years later this habbit is completely absorbed into the human body. Boasting, wanting to show off, makes a person forget himself that he or she is in the public eye and can not get out of this situation. Secondly, As I said above internet, TV, mobile phone transmit luxery views such as clips for songs, advertisements also some movies. They are presented directly to the public. Famous stars are seen luxury, expensive but lavish clothes and clips for song are being taking on the latest model car. In fact people listen to music, song to relax and get out of an unpleasant mood. Nevertheless nowadays a lot of emphasis is placed on singers appearence and clothes not on the context of the songs which undermines musical illitracy, art-culture. In addition it has impact on human spirituality. Young people began to imitite them. If time passes in this way people's sense of simplicity will dissapear and they will not pass on the spiritual herritage to future generation. On other hand, It's wrong to think that all celebrities show off their luxery. Some famous people who have achieved with hard work, indomitable ability and strength. They are better alternative to watch and analyse them. Some famous bright stars donate their money to charity house and make orphans happy. Watching like this situation encourages to be honest and religious. In conclusion, If people are engaged in activities that enrich spiritual wealth and prestige, the future will undoubtedly be in the hand of perfect people.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
highly
developed era, it's true that showing off
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
their wealth
rather
than their achievement is growing
rapidly
which has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on the minds of youth. The mass media will be a bride in showing this pomp and
Possible spelling mistake found.
extrovagance
which is impressionable to youth.

In
first
paragraph I'm going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons for disagreement. In second paragraph we will examine possible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
outcomes for future.

Firstly
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to prioritize money over everything else. They become willing to go easy way to their goal and don't want to sweat for getting success. The recurrence of this condition results in the defect of laziness and making visible in public becomes a way of life.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a result
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
years later this
Possible spelling mistake found.
habbit
is completely absorbed into the human body. Boasting, wanting to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a person forget himself that he or she is in the public eye and can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out of this situation.

Secondly
, As I said above internet, TV, mobile phone transmit
Possible spelling mistake found.
luxery
views such as clips for songs, advertisements
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
movies. They
are presented
directly
to the public.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Famous
stars are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
luxury, expensive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
lavish clothes and clips for song are being taking on the latest model car. In fact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
listen to music, song to relax and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out of an unpleasant mood.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Nevertheless
nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
emphasis
is placed
on singers
Possible spelling mistake found.
appearence
and clothes not on the context of the songs which undermines musical
Possible spelling mistake found.
illitracy
, art-culture. In
The comma is probably missing here: "addition, it".
addition it
has impact on human spirituality. Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
began to
Possible spelling mistake found.
imitite
them. If time passes in this way
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's sense of simplicity will
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
dissapear and
they will not pass on the spiritual
Possible spelling mistake found.
herritage
to future generation.

On other hand, It's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that all celebrities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off their
Possible spelling mistake found.
luxery
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have achieved with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work, indomitable ability and strength. They are better alternative to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
bright stars donate their money to charity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
orphans happy. Watching like this situation encourages to be honest and religious.

In conclusion
, If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are engaged
in activities that enrich spiritual wealth and prestige, the future will
undoubtedly
be in the hand of perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS essay In today highly developed era, it's true that showing off many famous people their wealth rather than their achievement is growing rapidly which has a negative effect on the minds of youth. The mass media will be a bride in showing this pomp and extrovagance which is impressionable to youth. In first paragraph I'm going to show some reasons for disagreement. In second paragraph we will examine possible negative outcomes for future. Firstly, young people tend to prioritize money over everything else. They become willing to go easy way to their goal and don't want to sweat for getting success. The recurrence of this condition results in the defect of laziness and making visible in public becomes a way of life. As a result some years later this habbit is completely absorbed into the human body. Boasting, wanting to show off, makes a person forget himself that he or she is in the public eye and can not get out of this situation. Secondly, As I said above internet, TV, mobile phone transmit luxery vi

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
376 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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