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Social media is the real cause of teenage depression

Social media is the real cause of teenage depression jdb2a
Nowadays almost everyone uses social media. It has become part of our life. I agree with the idea that social media is the real cause of teenage depression. I am going to prove my opinions with some arguments.   First and foremost, making comparisons among teenagers is current problem. They make comparison to famous people they see on social media platform, and they think that they are not good enough. It makes them insecure about themselves, which causes depression. As well as that, too much time scrolling through social media can result in symptoms of anxiety or depression and It can be destructive. Most of teens are focusing on, , likes”. The need to gain likes on social media can cause teens to accepting risky challenges.   Despite the fact that, the social media has plenty of negative sites on teens, it also has some positive aspects to social media. Teens who struggle with social skills, social anxiety or who do not have easy access to face to face socializing with other teens might benefit from connecting with other teens through social media. It is generally believe that, social media has numerous negative side which has worse effect on teens and I totally agree with it idea.   In the end, social media not only makes teens insecure, but it also causes depression.
Nowadays almost everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. It has become part of our life. I
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agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is the real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of teenage depression. I am going to prove my opinions with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
arguments.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
First
and foremost, making comparisons among
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teenagers
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
problem. They
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make
comparison to
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famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
on
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social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
platform, and they
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think
that they are not
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good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
. It
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makes
them insecure about themselves, which
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causes
depression.
As well
as that, too much time scrolling through
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social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
can result in symptoms of anxiety or depression and It can be destructive. Most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teens
are focusing on,
Two consecutive commas
,
likes”. The need to gain likes on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teens
to accepting risky challenges.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Despite the fact that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sites on
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teens
, it
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
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Teens
who struggle with
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social
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skills
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
anxiety or who do not have easy access
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only "to face".
to face to face
socializing with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teens
might benefit from connecting with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teens
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. It is
generally
Consider using a past participle here: "believed".
believe
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has numerous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side which has worse effect on
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teens
and I
totally
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agree
with it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
In the
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end
,
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social
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media
not
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only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
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teens
insecure,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
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causes
depression.
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IELTS essay Social media is the real cause of teenage depression

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
223 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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