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In this world, many people are dying from various types of health related problems due to the lacking of appropriate health education and preventive actions.

In this world, many people are dying from various types of health related problems due to the lacking of appropriate health education and preventive actions. That is why a government should expend a huge amount of money from health budget for cure-related education as well as preventive measure. It is agreed that this policy has a great number of benefits and this will be proven by analysing economical point of view of a country and the health aspects of people. Firstly, many regimes spend an enormous amount of money in order to treat their people who are suffering from different types of serious diseases. This extravagance can be easily diminished when state commences of healthcare educational system by spending money to the health teaching system. As an example, if the administration perceives to their slums that smoking, drinking, and so on is bad things for human body through this educational program, many people will be not attacked by the severe sickness. This could save a large amount of money of the state. As can be clearly seen from this illustration that the idea may bring colossal economic benefit to the government. Secondly, many governments fight against several types of diseases, especially diabetes and the heart diseases. Before these health problems assault the people, it can be ceased by taking some preventive measure. For example, exercise, sports, entertainment etc. can decrease the chances to become these patients. Making parks, playground, and cinema hall can influence people to do exercise, which can protect the people from these intense sicknesses. This can be achieved by investing the money in preventive measures from health budget. In conclusions, this idea is indispensable not only to the people but also to the governments. However, the tremendous amenities of this policy fortify my argument. Therefore, a government should spend money for health education and preventive measure from health budget.
In this world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are dying from various types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
related problems due to the lacking of appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
education and preventive actions.
That is
why a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should expend a huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
budget for cure-related education
as well
as preventive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measure
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that this policy has a great number of benefits and this will
be proven
by
Possible spelling mistake. ‘analysing’ is British English.
analysing
economical point of view of a country and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
aspects of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
regimes spend an enormous amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in order to treat their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are suffering from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of serious diseases. This extravagance can be
easily
diminished when state commences of healthcare educational system by spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
teaching system. As an example, if the administration perceives to their slums that smoking, drinking, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things for human body through this educational program,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be not attacked by the severe sickness. This could save a large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
of the state.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from this illustration that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
may bring colossal economic benefit to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
fight against several types of diseases,
especially
diabetes and the heart diseases.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems assault the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it can
be ceased
by taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
preventive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measure
.
For example
, exercise, sports, entertainment etc. can decrease the chances to become these patients. Making parks, playground, and cinema hall can influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do exercise, which can protect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from these intense sicknesses. This can
be achieved
by investing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in preventive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
budget.

In conclusions, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is indispensable not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
.
However
, the tremendous amenities of this policy fortify my argument.
Therefore
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
education and preventive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measure
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
budget.
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IELTS essay In this world, many people are dying from various types of health related problems due to the lacking of appropriate health education and preventive actions.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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