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In this modern era,there is no need to kill animals for food and medicince.do you agree or diagree

In this modern era, there is no need to kill animals for food and medicince. do you agree or diagree KwrVL
In present days, trying to live without exploiting animals for food and products can be possible with the grace of modern advancement. I agree with the given notion that it is indeed easy to live without products made from animals skin. I shall discuss these in detail with relevant examples in the following paragraphs. To commence with, it us true that, in previous era many were depended on animal for their clothing. They are using animals skin to make various clothes of leather such as shoes and jackets but in the modern era with the invention of synthetic leather, it is now possible to wear leather created clothing stuffs. So, people can fulfill their willingness to wear high quality leather clothes without even killing animals for their skin. To exemplify it, a synthetic material namely carbonleather which is made by scientists. The material is almost same to the skin of animal and also useful to make variety of leather items. Thus, people are no longer in need to exploit animals for leather. In addition, it is also believed tha cow milk and eggs are the only source of Protein and Calcium. Moreover, many environmentalists, conservationists and activists raised voice against this belief. As a result, many food companies manufacturered synthetic milk and eggs which are far more healthier and also contains decent amount of Calcium and Protein nutrients. Furthermore, many doctor previously using rhino's horn as a medicine to cure ailments like cancer and diabetes. In fact, many national government put ban on this. Therefore, Biologists invented a proper and more effective medicine to cure this diseases. To exemplify it, in 2008 due to excessive hunting of rhinos for their thorn, rhinos are on the verge of extinction. By this, a scientist named Robert Harrison of Oxford university invented the medicine called Cancerotryoxin to cure cancer ailment and it is also far more effective than rhino's horn. To conclude, it is true that with the modern advancement the amount of hunting of animals is significantly decreased and also the animals organs and products for medicine and food purpose are replaced with modern inventions. I strongly believe that this could increase the number of animals which are on the verge of extinction.
In present days, trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without exploiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for food and products can be possible with the grace of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
advancement. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
notion that it is
indeed
easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without products made from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
. I shall discuss these in detail with relevant examples in the following paragraphs.

To commence with, it us true that, in previous era
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
were depended
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
for their clothing. They are using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
various clothes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leather
such as shoes and jackets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
era with the invention of synthetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leather
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
possible to wear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leather
created clothing stuffs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can fulfill their willingness to wear high quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leather
clothes without even killing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
. To exemplify it, a synthetic material
namely
Possible spelling mistake found.
carbonleather
which
is made
by scientists. The material is almost same to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
and
also
useful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leather
items.
Thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are no longer in need to exploit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for leather.

In addition
, it is
also
believed
Possible spelling mistake found.
tha
cow milk and eggs are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
source of Protein and Calcium.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
environmentalists, conservationists and activists raised voice against this belief.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
Possible spelling mistake found.
manufacturered
synthetic milk and eggs which are far
Use only "healthier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more healthier
and
also
contains decent amount of Calcium and Protein nutrients.
Furthermore
,
Possible agreement error. The noun doctor seems to be countable; consider using: "many doctors".
many doctor
previously using rhino's horn as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
to cure ailments like cancer and diabetes. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
national
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
put ban on this.
Therefore
, Biologists invented a proper and more effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
to cure
Did you mean "these"?
this
diseases. To exemplify it, in 2008 due to excessive hunting of rhinos for their thorn, rhinos are on the verge of extinction. By this, a scientist named Robert Harrison of Oxford university invented the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
called
Possible spelling mistake found.
Cancerotryoxin
to cure cancer ailment and it is
also
far more effective than rhino's horn.

To conclude
, it is true that with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
advancement the amount of hunting of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
is
significantly
decreased and
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
organs and products for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
and food purpose
are replaced
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
inventions. I
strongly
believe that this could increase the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
which are on the verge of extinction.
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IELTS essay In this modern era, there is no need to kill animals for food and medicince. do you agree or diagree

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
371 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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