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In this example, we will have to decide which side (advantages or disadvantages) is stronger and this will affect our structure. If you choose advantages then you will have to say why these are much stronger than the disadvantages and why the disadvantages don’t hold much weight. You would also have to make this clear in your thesis statement

In this example, we will have to decide which side (advantages or disadvantages) is stronger and this will affect our structure. If you choose advantages then you will have to say why these are much stronger than the disadvantages and why the disadvantages don’t hold much weight. You would also have to make this clear in your thesis statement 561XQ
Some authorities think that it is more favorable for pupils to start studying different languages at primary school instead of secondary school. This essay will argue the advantages of this outweigh to drawbacks that the earlier age someone learns an additional language the more likely they are to master it and that it brings additional cognitive benefits, followed by an analysis of how the primary disadvantages, namely, confuse with their native tongue, it is not valid. Nowadays, many have this opinion that children should begin learning a foreign language as soon as possible for several reasons. Firstly kids are more skillful than adults in bilingual education. Children have stronger memory and they could learn quickly and memorize new words very easily. Research shows that children could reach a high level in a new language in a shorter time than teenagers and also teenagers are faster in learning than adults. Secondly learning a new language is a long term job so children have more time to improve their level in a foreign language than full-grown people. According to a test that was taken from two different group ages, younger people learn a new language more professionally and pronounce words more correctly than the older group. Thus start teaching a foreign language to kids at earlier ages is a wise job. On the other hand, some people argue that learning a foreign language at an early age is an unnecessary job which just gives too much burden on children and will affect their mother tongue learning, whereas this is an unreliable opinion because kids have an ability to recognize different languages and use them very skillfully. The latest research shows that children who start learning a foreign language with their native tongue at the same time will start to speak both of them at the same time in a very perfect way. Therefore, kids are more eager and able fore learning a new thing than older people. In conclusion due to globalization and increasing the communication between different countries people knowing a foreign languages significant and crucial also it is better to start learning as soon as possible to have enough time to improve our abilities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
authorities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is more favorable for pupils to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
at primary school
instead
of secondary school. This essay will argue the advantages of this outweigh to drawbacks that the earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
someone learns an additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
the more likely they are to master it and that it brings additional cognitive benefits, followed by an analysis of how the primary disadvantages,
namely
, confuse with their native tongue, it is not valid.

Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
have this opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible for several reasons.
Firstly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are more skillful than adults in bilingual education.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
have stronger
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
memory and
they could learn
quickly
and memorize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
words
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easily
. Research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could reach a high level in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in a shorter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are faster in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
than adults.
Secondly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is a long term job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their level in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
than full-grown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. According to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
that
was taken
from two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
, younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
learn a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
more
professionally
and pronounce words more
correctly
than the older group.
Thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
teaching a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
at earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
is a wise job.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
at an early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is an unnecessary job which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
gives too much burden on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and will affect their mother tongue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
, whereas this is an unreliable opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
have an ability to recognize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
skillfully
. The latest research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
with their native tongue at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
to speak both of them at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
perfect way.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are more eager and able fore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
thing than older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
due to globalization and increasing the communication between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
knowing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "language"?
languages
significant and crucial
also
it is better to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our abilities.
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IELTS essay In this example, we will have to decide which side (advantages or disadvantages) is stronger and this will affect our structure. If you choose advantages then you will have to say why these are much stronger than the disadvantages and why the disadvantages don’t hold much weight. You would also have to make this clear in your thesis statement

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
364 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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