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In these days and ages, many children spend more time watching television rather than joining some outdoor or high levels activities. Why

In these days and ages, many children spend more time watching television rather than joining some outdoor or high levels activities. Why eRyNG
In these days and ages, many children spend more time watching television rather than joining some outdoor or high levels activities. From my point of view, the reasons for this issue are related to the development of technological devices. The essay will present these reasons and give my measure for encouraging children to do higher levels of activity. To begin with, the factor that makes children reduce excitement about high levels activities and glue too much to the screen is the significant development of modern gadgets. Nowadays, children expose to electrical gadgets such as smartphone, laptop, and TV quite early, even when they were toddlers, thus, they quickly learn how to use them. Moreover, TV or phone has been equipped with high tech which contains a range of programmes or video games that are impressive and attractive so that children do not want to involve in high levels activities but sit on the sofa to watch TV. As a result, the more they use them, the more they become addicted to them. From my own experience, when I was a child, I used to spend almost all of my day watching TV. I did not hang out with friends or do exercise because those channels on TV was so good that I could not help watching them. Consequently, after a long time, I have an eyestrain and I was so regretful. The measure, which I think would be effective in stimulating higher levels of activity in children, is organizing some classes that help them connect with others and do more activities after school. When joining these classes, they have chances to strike new relationships and also take part in competitions including several aspects like science, game and sport. All kinds of things help them gain excitement about activities excepts watching TV. In conclusion, whatever the reasons for this issue are, I believe that children need to be involved in more high levels activities.
In these days and ages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend more time watching television
rather
than joining
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
outdoor or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. From my point of view, the reasons for this issue
are related
to the development of technological devices. The essay will present these reasons and give my measure for encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to do higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
of activity.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the factor that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
excitement about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and glue too much to the screen is the significant development of modern gadgets. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
expose to electrical gadgets such as smartphone, laptop, and TV quite early, even when they were toddlers,
thus
, they
quickly
learn how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them.
Moreover
, TV or phone has
been equipped
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
tech which contains a range of
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
or video games that are impressive and attractive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not want to involve in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
sit on the sofa to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV.
As a result
, the more they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them, the more they become addicted to them. From my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience, when I was a child, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to spend almost all of my day watching TV. I did not hang out with friends or do exercise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
those channels on TV was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
that I could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
watching them.
Consequently
, after a long time, I have an
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
eyestrain and
I was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
regretful.

The measure, which I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
would be effective in stimulating higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, is organizing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
classes that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them connect with others and do more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
after school. When joining these classes, they have chances to strike new relationships and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in competitions including several aspects like science, game and sport. All kinds of things
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them gain excitement about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
excepts watching TV.

In conclusion
, whatever the reasons for this issue are, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need to
be involved
in more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
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IELTS essay In these days and ages, many children spend more time watching television rather than joining some outdoor or high levels activities. Why

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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