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In the present era of the high level of competitions, most people desire to gain a victory in every part, and even in athletic contests. Some sets of peoples argue that the sports tournament games should be stopped, especially young children, however, others believe that there are bright sides of sports competition, and I strongly agree with the latter.

In the present era of the high level of competitions, most people desire to gain a victory in every part, and even in athletic contests. Some sets of peoples argue that the sports tournament games should be stopped, especially young children, however, others believe that there are bright sides of sports competition, and I strongly agree with the latter. ljXoK
Admittedly, I partly agree that disadvantage of sports play-off. In the first place, sports might be dangerous to young teenagers in that there is highly possible to injure during the game. Those kinds of physical sports, such as baseball, soccer or basketball are likely to violence, take an example, in a serious competition, each team player might be under high level of pressure to win, thus they might lose their mind in the middle of a game, then it leads players to physical injury. Another reason worth mentioning is that the athletes are young children. From the perspective of children, they are not mature enough to distinguish right from wrong, and easily affected by external situation. If a child who has several experiences of losing, might think that he or she is the loser of their life, and struggled from internal pressure oneself. Nevertheless, I, as one of the opponents of the view, believe that sports have a lot of benefits to children's development. First of all, it is widely known that stress is harmful to the mental health, on the flip side, it leads people to move forward. For example, it might stimulate players' to make practices hard, and it leads the athletes to achieving a victory. Furthermore, it naturally brings us to the third merit of comparative sports games. In this society where many children are being raised a only child, it is hard to learn some values, including a sharing, a corporation, or a tolerance. As far as the function of the sports is deeply considered, most of sports play-off should play with teams; thus the young schoolchild should activities with other pupils, then they will naturally learn the values through playing together. Therefore, they will grow up a person with much more sense of empathy and team-building skills, compared to the kids who do not have an experience of competition, and also they shall dealt with stress. In conclusion, I think sports games have a lot of advantages, despite some side effects of both external and internal. However, it is not impossible to handle, if they have considerably helped from parents and teachers.
Admittedly
, I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that disadvantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
play-off. In the
first
place,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
in that there is
highly
possible to injure during the game. Those kinds of physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, such as baseball, soccer or basketball are likely to violence, take an example, in a serious competition, each team player
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be under high level of pressure to win,
thus
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
lose their mind in the middle of a game, then it leads players to physical injury. Another reason worth mentioning is that the athletes are young children. From the perspective of children, they are not mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to distinguish right from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
, and
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by external situation. If a child who has several experiences of losing,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that he or she is the loser of their life, and struggled from internal pressure oneself.

Nevertheless
, I, as one of the opponents of the view, believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits to children's development.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is
widely
known that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
is harmful to the mental health, on the flip side, it leads
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
forward.
For example
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
stimulate players' to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
practices
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
, and it leads the athletes to achieving a victory.
Furthermore
, it
naturally
brings us to the third merit of comparative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. In this society where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children are
being raised
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
child, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
values, including a sharing, a corporation, or a tolerance. As far as the function of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is
deeply
considered, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
play-off should play with teams;
thus
the young schoolchild should activities with other pupils, then they will
naturally
learn the values through playing together.
Therefore
, they will grow up a person with much more sense of empathy and team-building
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, compared to the kids who do not have an experience of competition, and
also
they shall
The verb 'shall' requires the base form of the verb: "deal"
dealt
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
advantages, despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
side effects of both external and internal.
However
, it is not impossible to handle, if they have
considerably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
from parents and teachers.

IELTS essay In the present era of the high level of competitions, most people desire to gain a victory in every part, and even in athletic contests. Some sets of peoples argue that the sports tournament games should be stopped, especially young children, however, others believe that there are bright sides of sports competition, and I strongly agree with the latter.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
357 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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  • In the present era of the high level of competitions, most people desire to gain a victory in every part, and even in athletic contests. Some sets of peoples argue that the sports tournament games should be stopped, especially young children, however, others believe that there are bright sides of sports competition, and I strongly agree with the latter.