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In the past people wore their traditional clothes and followed their culture. These days most people wear similar clothes and therefore look very similar to one another. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In the past people wore their traditional clothes and followed their culture. These days most people wear similar clothes and therefore look very similar to one another. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? RN20M
These days, western trend come into our country more dominant makes our young generations more familiar with its culture than Indonesian culture. Such of the condition should be an attention for the Government before we lost our identity in the long term. This essay will discuss about negative impact of foreign trend development changing native culture. In this era alteration many cultures from around the world easier to come into a country. This condition is a defiance for native people in a country like Indonesian, the people must struggle to maintain Indonesian culture remain prominent among other cultures. Currently, our genuine culture has already shifted with western style. Young generation prefer to wear modern clothes than traditional clothes. In their mindset modern style looks more stylish than traditional which looks old. The mindset is an obstacle to promote our culture and it can be a factor fade away our culture. Therefore, the Indonesian Government should have strategies to promote and to socialize our culture globally. For instance, the Government collaborate with some of designers in Indonesia to create Indonesian traditional clothes with modern designs. It absolutely will attract young generation so that they will chose wearing traditional clothes. Then the Government build a cooperation with influencers to separate the tradition clothes with modern style products on their social media. The first key to get attention from young generation is how they can acquaint with their own culture. Lastly, if we want young generation wear traditional clothes than western or foreign clothes is we must re-create our traditional clothes looks more interesting. We must change the young generation mindset that think traditional clothes is old become something looks modern and attractive. Through social media, influencers can help to drawn attention the generation changing the mindset. And definitely the Indonesian Government should run mission to promote traditional clothes globally seriously and make it priority program.
These days, western trend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
into our country more dominant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generations more familiar with its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
than Indonesian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. Such of the condition should be an attention for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
we lost our identity in the long term. This essay will discuss about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact of foreign trend development changing native culture.

In this era alteration
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
from around the world easier to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
into a country. This condition is a defiance for native
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in a country like Indonesian, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
struggle to maintain Indonesian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
remain prominent among other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
.
Currently
, our genuine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
has already shifted with western style.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
generation prefer to wear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
. In their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mindset
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
style
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
looks
more stylish than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
looks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mindset
is an obstacle to promote our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and it can be a factor fade away our culture.

Therefore
, the Indonesian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should have strategies to promote and to socialize our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
globally.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
collaborate with
After 'some of', you should use 'the' ("some of the designers") or simply say "some designers".
some of designers
in Indonesia to create Indonesian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
designs. It
absolutely
will attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "choose"
chose
If 'chose' is used as a verb, it usually requires the infinitive: "to wear".
wearing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
. Then the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
build a cooperation with influencers to separate the tradition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
style products on their social media. The
first
key to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
attention from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation is how they can acquaint with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
culture.

Lastly
, if we want
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation wear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
than western or foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
is we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
re-create our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
looks
more interesting. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mindset
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
become something
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
looks
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
and attractive. Through social media, influencers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to drawn attention the generation changing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mindset
. And definitely the Indonesian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should run mission to promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
globally
seriously
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it priority program.
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IELTS essay In the past people wore their traditional clothes and followed their culture. These days most people wear similar clothes and therefore look very similar to one another. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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