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In the past people used to travel to many places to see difference from their country now all places are getting more and more similar do you think advantages of this similarity overweigh disadvantages?

In the past people used to travel to many places to see difference from their country now all places are getting more and more similar do you think advantages of this similarity overweigh disadvantages? gxkQg
While thosedays men and women for observating differences had to travel other countries nowadays with attendance globalization every body can access something which they need. Although similarity among countries is acceptable it has some disadvantages. In the past, when it was not accessibility to internet and technology a number of people around the world had to visit special places to purchase whatever they needed. When technology expanded among countries and also globalization occurred in the world these factors made a variety of changes. One of the advantages globalization was, accessibility people in every place to productions which could satisfy them for instance, a person in developing country such as, Lebanon could buy whatever a American person could buy in the US such as, Apple cellphone, Apple ipad. In fact, globalization helped poor countries to be significant their wants also these people felt equality in contrast to developed countries. On the other hand, first, globalization changed culture, tradition and custom specially in developed countries due to the fact people who lived in these countries tended to immitate west culture and also after a while their culture became disappear. Besides, they boosted consumerism habit in the society. Another reason that was destructive, change and removing handy crafts in developing countries. As people tried to purchase new brand goods from developed countries it defeated the productions and internal businesses became bankrupted. I was reading an article that mentioned in Vietnam as a result, in a period of 10 year internal productions collapsed due to fact of globalization. To conclude, I think although globalization has some benefits for developing countries particularly in economic it can have a variety of drawbacks that influeces on culture and society. In other words, governors ought to conside both sides when want to join global economic.
While
Possible spelling mistake found.
thosedays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women for
Possible spelling mistake found.
observating
differences had to travel other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
nowadays with attendance globalization every body can access something which they need.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
similarity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is acceptable it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages.

In the past, when it was not accessibility to internet and technology a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world had to visit special places to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
whatever they needed. When technology expanded among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and
also
globalization occurred in the world these factors made a variety of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
. One of the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "advantages'" or "advantage's"?
advantages
globalization was, accessibility
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in every place to productions which could satisfy them
for instance
, a person in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
such as, Lebanon could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
whatever
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
American person could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
in the US such as, Apple cellphone, Apple
Possible spelling mistake found.
ipad
. In fact, globalization
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to be significant their wants
also
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
felt equality
in contrast
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
.

On the other hand
,
first
, globalization
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, tradition and custom
specially
in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
due to the fact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
tended to
Possible spelling mistake found.
immitate
west
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and
also
after a while their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
became disappear.
Besides
, they boosted consumerism habit in the society. Another reason that was destructive,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and removing handy crafts in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tried to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
new brand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
from developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
it defeated the productions and internal businesses became bankrupted. I was reading an article that mentioned in Vietnam
as a result
, in a period of 10 year internal productions collapsed due to fact of globalization.

To conclude
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
although globalization has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits for developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
particularly
in economic it can have a variety of drawbacks that
Possible spelling mistake found.
influeces
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and society.
In other words
, governors ought to
Possible spelling mistake found.
conside
both sides when want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
global economic.
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IELTS essay In the past people used to travel to many places to see difference from their country now all places are getting more and more similar do you think advantages of this similarity overweigh disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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