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In the past important knowledge of culture and history was stored in museum nowadays is freely available on internet therefore is no longer needed for museum to what extend do you agree or disagree

In the past important knowledge of culture and history was stored in museum nowadays is freely available on internet therefore is no longer needed for museum Yoo5
History is the past events, especially for human beings and it also remind us our bygone days. there are the multiple of knowledge of former time which is paramount and now it is preserve in museum. In the present scenario, that data can easily available in internet. I completely subscribe with propose thought and reason of my inclination are articulated in upcoming paragraph the predominate justification to support my point of view is that there is the two prominent reason to disappearing the flocksconsiderationto search in the internet rather than going to museum Firstly, in this present scenario, masses do not have convenient time to study about former days if some people get inquisitive to know about History they will search in the internet owning to Technology provide ins and outs knowledge about history secondly, some individual are so indolent to visit the Museum and whatever they want to and enlighten about past days they will start to Search on internet as a result, in the shorter period of time their will suffer from eyesight hurdle. To epitome, A recent research conducted by London University, that more than 60% of people had been eradicated to visit museum. Moreover, internet provide better knowledge with 3D visual and also the speaker, in video elaborate in detail of each and every precious antique things. In addition, internet provide knowledge in very short period of time and it can be assess 24 into 7 accessible and mobility in just one click. for instance, in New Zealand, majority of masses get aid from internet whether it related above Museum on any other things. Having gone through out this matter and it conclude that internet plays a crucial role in all the life. Although to visit museum is paramount, thos information is available internet then it is meaningless to visit over there
History is the past
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
,
especially
for human beings and it
also
Did you mean "reminds"?
remind
us our bygone days.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
there
are the
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "multiples"?
multiple
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
of former
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which is paramount and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
it is preserve in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
. In the present scenario, that data can
easily
available in internet. I completely subscribe with propose
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
and reason of my inclination
are articulated
in upcoming paragraph

the predominate justification to support my point of view is that there is the two prominent reason to disappearing the
Possible spelling mistake found.
flocksconsiderationto
search
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the internet".
in the internet
rather
than going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
Firstly
, in this present scenario, masses do not have convenient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to study about former days if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
inquisitive to know about History they will search
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the internet".
in the internet
owning to Technology provide ins and outs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
about history
secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "individuals"?
individual
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
indolent to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
and whatever they want to and enlighten about past days they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to Search on internet
as a result
, in the shorter period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
their will suffer from eyesight hurdle. To epitome, A recent research conducted by London University, that more than 60% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
had
been eradicated
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
museum.

Moreover
, internet provide better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
with 3D visual and
also
the speaker, in video elaborate in detail of each and every precious antique things.
In addition
, internet provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
short period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and it can be
Consider using the past participle "assessed"?
assess
24 into 7 accessible and mobility in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one click.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
instance, in New Zealand,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
masses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
aid from internet whether it related above
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
on any other things. Having gone
Did you mean "throughout"?
through out
this matter and it
Did you mean "concludes"?
conclude
that internet plays a crucial role in all the life. Although to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
is paramount,
Possible spelling mistake found.
thos
information is available internet then it is meaningless to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
over
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
there
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IELTS essay In the past important knowledge of culture and history was stored in museum nowadays is freely available on internet therefore is no longer needed for museum

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
305 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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