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In the modern world, throwing parties can be expensive. While some people do not find these fancy gatherings worth what they cost. Others, however, believe such events are essential to both individuals and the society. I will discuss both the views in the upcoming paragraphs. To begin with, a few argue that the special events need to be celebrated grandly, as it happens only a few times in a lifetime. To explain, it has become a societal norm to organize big events by spending a huge amount of money to impress friends and families; however, reserving large venues with multiple functions and decorations are just a few ways. Indians, to cite an example, are famous for Big Indian fat weddings across the world for spending humongous portion of their wealth on these celebrations. As a result, a lot of people also spend this amount of money for status symbol. On the contrary, people also have reasons to argue that spending lots of money on weddings and other occasions is quite unnecessary.

In the modern world, throwing parties can be expensive. While some people do not find these fancy gatherings worth what they cost. Others, however, believe such events are essential to both individuals and the society. I will To begin with, a few argue that the special events need to be celebrated grandly, as it happens only a few times in a lifetime. To explain, it has become a societal norm to organize big events by spending a huge amount of money to impress friends and families; however, reserving large venues with multiple functions and decorations are just a few ways. Indians, to cite an example, are famous for Big Indian fat weddings across the world for spending humongous portion of their wealth on these celebrations. As a result, a lot of people also spend this amount of money for status symbol. On the contrary, people also have reasons to argue that spending lots of money on weddings and other occasions is quite unnecessary. bYYrW
In the modern world, throwing parties can be expensive. While some people do not find these fancy gatherings worth what they cost. Others, however, believe such events are essential to both individuals and the society. I will discuss both the views in the upcoming paragraphs. To begin with, a few argue that the special events need to be celebrated grandly, as it happens only a few times in a lifetime. To explain, it has become a societal norm to organize big events by spending a huge amount of money to impress friends and families; however, reserving large venues with multiple functions and decorations are just a few ways. Indians, to cite an example, are famous for Big Indian fat weddings across the world for spending humongous portion of their wealth on these celebrations. As a result, a lot of people also spend this amount of money for status symbol. On the contrary, people also have reasons to argue that spending lots of money on weddings and other occasions is quite unnecessary. Firstly, in most of today’s celebrations there is a deliberate show of power and easy money. Secondly, instead of spending huge amounts of money on any celebration, it is better to save it and later invest it in better ways. For instance, spending a lot of money on a child’s first birthday in a five-star hotel, it is better to save it for his/her higher education; or couple can buy a house for themselves in future. As a result, sometimes, it becomes a social obligation for many people to spend money on special events. To conclude, I feel that unmindful spending on any occasion can be avoided. Instead that money should be saved or used in a better way.
In the modern world, throwing parties can be expensive.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not find these fancy gatherings worth what they cost. Others,
however
, believe such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
are essential to both individuals and the society. I will discuss both the views in the upcoming paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, a few argue that the special
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
need to
be celebrated
grandly
, as it happens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few times in a lifetime. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, it has become a societal norm to organize
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
a huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to impress friends and families;
however
, reserving large venues with multiple functions and decorations are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a few ways. Indians, to cite an example, are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Big
Indian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
weddings across the world for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
humongous portion of their wealth on these celebrations.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
spend this amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for status symbol.

On the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
have reasons to argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on weddings and other occasions is quite unnecessary.
Firstly
, in most of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s celebrations there is a deliberate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
of power and easy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Secondly
,
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
huge amounts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on any celebration, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to save it and later invest it in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
ways.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on a child’s
first
birthday in a five-star hotel, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to save it for his/her higher education; or couple can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
for themselves
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, it becomes a social obligation for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on special
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.

To conclude
, I feel that unmindful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on any occasion can
be avoided
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Instead
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should
be saved
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
way.
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IELTS essay In the modern world, throwing parties can be expensive. While some people do not find these fancy gatherings worth what they cost. Others, however, believe such events are essential to both individuals and the society. I will To begin with, a few argue that the special events need to be celebrated grandly, as it happens only a few times in a lifetime. To explain, it has become a societal norm to organize big events by spending a huge amount of money to impress friends and families; however, reserving large venues with multiple functions and decorations are just a few ways. Indians, to cite an example, are famous for Big Indian fat weddings across the world for spending humongous portion of their wealth on these celebrations. As a result, a lot of people also spend this amount of money for status symbol. On the contrary, people also have reasons to argue that spending lots of money on weddings and other occasions is quite unnecessary.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • In the modern world, throwing parties can be expensive. While some people do not find these fancy gatherings worth what they cost. Others, however, believe such events are essential to both individuals and the society. I will discuss both the views in the upcoming paragraphs. To begin with, a few argue that the special events need to be celebrated grandly, as it happens only a few times in a lifetime. To explain, it has become a societal norm to organize big events by spending a huge amount of money to impress friends and families; however, reserving large venues with multiple functions and decorations are just a few ways. Indians, to cite an example, are famous for Big Indian fat weddings across the world for spending humongous portion of their wealth on these celebrations. As a result, a lot of people also spend this amount of money for status symbol. On the contrary, people also have reasons to argue that spending lots of money on weddings and other occasions is quite unnecessary.