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In the modern competitive world, there is an opinion that getting older is a natural process of becoming a complete person. What are advantages and disadvantages of getting older?

In the modern competitive world, there is an opinion that getting older is a natural process of becoming a complete person. What are advantages and disadvantages of getting older? eR8LJ
On the one hand, the main advantages of becoming an adult is an opportunity to earn their own money. This would allow a person to have a financial stability, as a result, to be more independent in spending money and planning a budget. In that case, it would definitely improve individual’s responsibility and made great impact on perception of the institute of money. For instance, in 2013, the New York Times reported that 40 percent of asked people claimed that if they would not have been able to earn money and make mistakes in distributing them, they would have never been absorbed doing it in the right way. On the other hand, the primary disadvantage of getting older is that adults never could turn back time to be young again. This may have put a person into constant stress, which in certain times could cause unfavorable effect on human’s wellbeing. Furthermore, unmanageable stress raises probability of several diseases and decreases a capacity of human brain. To give some illustration, the BBC informed that individuals in their research about maturity admitted that more they are approaching the average age, and then more they are concern about it. In conclusion, although becoming an adult can have negative effect on person’s conscience, it also has a positive influence like a financial stability and teaches independence.
On the one hand, the main advantages of becoming an adult is an opportunity to earn their
own
money
. This would
allow
a person to have a financial stability,
as a result
, to be more independent in spending
money
and planning a budget.
In that case
, it would definitely
improve
individual’s responsibility and made great impact on perception of the institute of
money
.
For instance
, in 2013, the New York Times reported that 40 percent of asked
people
claimed that if they would not have been able to earn
money
and
make
mistakes in distributing them, they would have never
been absorbed
doing it in the right way.

On the other hand
, the primary disadvantage of getting older is that adults never could turn back time to be young again. This may have put a person into constant
stress
, which in certain times could cause unfavorable effect on human’s
wellbeing
.
Furthermore
, unmanageable
stress
raises probability of several diseases and decreases a capacity of human brain. To give
some
illustration, the BBC informed that individuals in their research about maturity admitted that more they are approaching the average age, and then more they are concern about it.

In conclusion
, although becoming an adult can have
negative
effect on person’s conscience, it
also
has a
positive
influence like a financial stability and teaches independence.
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IELTS essay In the modern competitive world, there is an opinion that getting older is a natural process of becoming a complete person. What are advantages and disadvantages of getting older?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
222 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    One main idea per paragraph
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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