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In the developed world, average life expectency is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations. v.1

In the developed world, average life expectency is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations. v. 1
In the modern world, the expected life of an individual is gradually increasing. Many people think that the trend is a positive development, but it has caused some problems for many countries. The following essay will discuss the effect of this positive trend, and some of the ways that could be considered in addressing the problem. It is a fact that average life expectancy of a single person has increased these days, due to the global improvement in the sector of economic, social politic, education and public health. Despite this positive development, the ageing population has caused some issues for governments. Firstly, as the number of senior people increases, the budget that governments must provide for the retirement fund and medical care automatically rises. Secondly, the growing number of senior people will be aligned with density problems. As the population of older people grows, the demand for the housing rise and consequently increase the price of properties, which would be a problem for the young people. For instance, a recent research However, there are some steps that governments could consider to resolve the issue. One of the ways is that governments could extend theatre standard retirement age standard. Many countries have the standard pension age at the age of 55 years old, and they could extend the age into 60 or 65 years since their senior people are still in a healthy and prime condition. Therefore it would reduce governments’ social welfare budget for the retired people. Besides that, governments could also provide a subsidy for the young people when they plan to buy a house. In conclusion, the world is developing rapidly in the last few years, and it has positively impacted on the average life expectancy. However, this positive has caused some problems for individuals and communities, therefore it is necessary for governments to take some actions in solving the issue.
In the modern world, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
life of an individual is
gradually
increasing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the trend is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
development,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it has caused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries. The following essay will discuss the effect of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
trend, and
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
ways that could
be considered
in addressing the problem.

It is a fact that average life expectancy of a single person has increased these days, due to the global improvement in the sector of economic, social politic, education and public health. Despite this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
development, the
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
population has caused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
.
Firstly
, as the number of senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
increases, the budget that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
provide for the retirement fund and medical care
automatically
rises.
Secondly
, the growing number of senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
be aligned
with density
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. As the population of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
grows, the demand for the housing rise and
consequently
increase the price of properties, which would be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
for the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, a recent
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
research


However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
steps that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
could
The verb 'consider' is used with the gerund form: "consider resolving".
consider to resolve
the issue. One of the ways is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
could extend
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
standard retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
standard.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
countries have the standard pension
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 55 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, and they could extend the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
into 60 or 65 years since their senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
still
in a healthy and prime condition.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments’
social welfare budget for the retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Besides
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
could
also
provide a subsidy for the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when they plan to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.

In conclusion
, the world is developing
rapidly
in the last few years, and it has
positively
impacted on the average life expectancy.
However
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
has caused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
for individuals and communities,
therefore
it is necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
to take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
actions in solving the issue.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay In the developed world, average life expectency is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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