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In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations. v.25

In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations. v. 25
With the improvement in medical treatment and better nutrition, the senior citizens are enjoying a longer lifespan in the industrialised countries. While this is good news, it does create some issues for both the individual and the society. This essay will present two possible scenarios and the solutions to alleviate their negative impacts. On a personal level, living longer means you need to have more savings to spend in those extra years. It is common to see some old people go broke in their early retirement and become homeless on the street. For example, in my neighbourhood, I usually see a woman in her seventies dressed in very old and dirty clothes and wonder around the dumpsters looking for food. It is heartbreaking to see this. In order to reduce the likelihood of running out of money, I believe education on financial planning is the key. People should receive free training on how to sensibly contribute to their pension during working years, as well as how to invest safely and how to keep a certain proportion of savings as the safety net. In terms of the pressure on society, with the increase of the elderly, more money and resources would be allocated to take care of them. More medical staff are needed and more old people's homes are to be built. On the other hand, the senior citizens can still contribute to the society if proper regulations are introduced. For instance, the government can welcome the healthy and energetic old people to re-enter the workforce and use their accumulated knowledge to add values to the companies. If old people prefer to stay with their families, they can also help with childcare and house chores. To conclude, the rising life expectancy brings its own issues to the individual as well as to the society. However, effective measures can be taken to mitigate these issues and in the long run, the senior citizens should be treasured and encouraged to create more values for the community.
With the improvement in medical treatment and better nutrition, the senior citizens are enjoying a longer lifespan in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'industrialised' is British English.
industrialised
countries. While this is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
news, it does create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues for both the individual and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. This essay will present two possible scenarios and the solutions to alleviate their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts.

On a personal level, living longer means you need to have more savings to spend in those extra years. It is common to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go broke in their early retirement and become homeless on the street.
For example
, in my
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
, I
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a woman in her seventies dressed in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
and dirty clothes and wonder around the dumpsters looking for food. It is heartbreaking to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
this. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the likelihood of running out of money, I believe education on financial planning is the key.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should receive free training on how to
sensibly
contribute to their pension during working years,
as well
as how to invest
safely
and how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a certain proportion of savings as the safety net.

In terms of the pressure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, with the increase of the elderly, more money and resources would
be allocated
to take care of them. More medical staff
are needed
and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's homes are to
be built
.
On the other hand
, the senior citizens can
still
contribute to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
if proper regulations
are introduced
.
For instance
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can welcome the healthy and energetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to re-enter the workforce and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their accumulated knowledge to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
values to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to stay with their families, they can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
with childcare and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
chores.

To conclude
, the rising life expectancy brings its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
issues to the individual
as well
as to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
However
, effective measures can
be taken
to mitigate these issues and in the long run, the senior citizens should
be treasured
and encouraged to create more values for the community.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations. v. 25

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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