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In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations. v.24

In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations. v. 24
Development has brought numerous benefits to human society like high birth mortality, high life expectancy etc. At the same time, there are many new challenges which have cropped up as a side effect of the development. For example, the ageing population is developed countries has created an enormous financial burden. This essay would elaborate about few of the effects of the ageing population on developed societies and would also talk about few possible steps which can be taken to overcome these problems. A country needs working masses to produce enough output to sustain its population. These younger generation working people are the backbone of the financial system and add to Gross Domestic Product, a benchmark of development index. In developed countries, it is argued that the population ratio is skewed towards older people who are adding least to the gross domestic output and hence creating a financial burden on working masses and to the governments. China was fastest growing economy till last decade when it had most of its population younger and hence in workable condition. With development, its population I older now due to various reasons including higher life expectancy. This has significantly brought down China's growth because there are fewer people to work in its factories. Hence, we can see clearly link the financial degradation occurring in developed and developing nations to its growing aged people. But, as it is said, every problem has a solution, so has to this problem too. Governments should first try to attack the root cause directly by encouraging citizens to opt for more children. Tax rebates and other incentives should be given to families who have more than 3 children. This will solve the problem in near term. As an immediate solution, the laws should be tweaked to encourage immigration. Younger and productive people from developing countries would help elevate the gross domestic output immediately. These measures, as one can see, are increasingly being popular in the United States and Canada. Therefore, while financial impact of the ageing population is huge but it can easily be overcome by taking certain measures like allowing foreign immigrants and encouraging high birth rate.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Development
has brought numerous benefits to human society like high birth mortality, high life expectancy etc. At the same time, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new challenges which have cropped up as a side effect of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
.
For example
, the
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
has created an enormous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
burden. This essay would elaborate about few of the effects of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
societies and would
also
talk about few possible steps which can
be taken
to overcome these problems.

A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
needs working masses to produce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
output to sustain its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
. These younger generation working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are the backbone of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
system and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
to Gross Domestic Product, a benchmark of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
index. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, it
is argued
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
ratio
is skewed
towards older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are adding least to the gross domestic output and
hence
creating a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
burden on working masses and to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
. China was
A determiner is probably missing here: "the fastest".
fastest
growing economy till last decade when it had most of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
younger and
hence
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
workable
condition. With
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
, its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
I older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
due to various reasons including higher life expectancy. This has
significantly
brought down China's growth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to work in its factories.
Hence
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
clearly
link the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
degradation occurring in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
and developing nations to its growing aged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, as it
is said
, every problem has a solution,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
this problem too.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
should
first
try to attack the root cause
directly
by encouraging citizens to opt for more children. Tax rebates and other incentives should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to families who have more than 3 children. This will solve the problem in near term. As an immediate solution, the laws should
be tweaked
to encourage immigration. Younger and productive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
elevate the gross domestic output immediately. These measures, as one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, are
increasingly
being popular in the United States and Canada.

Therefore
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
impact of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
is huge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can
easily
be overcome
by taking certain measures like allowing foreign immigrants and encouraging high birth rate.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations. v. 24

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
358 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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