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In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations. v.22

In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations. v. 22
Our ancestors didn't live more than 50-60 years. In the last centuries the life expectancy had been about 50-55 years and now it is 60-70 years in developed countries. In Norway for example, it is more than 80 years for women. The question is that "Is this it a gaining or draining for humans being to live longer? " The increase of life expectancy has two negative consequences. It affects a person’s experience of life in his/her last years, and it also is a burden on the society in several ways. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss both. There are many factors that affect the length of our lives. Thanks to the scientific developments, medical achievements and increasing life quality in the last decades, life expectancy has raised from what it had been before. People are more concerned and informed about their health and we tend to seek help from doctors more than before. At the same time, access to medical help is easier than ever. Diseases are discovered and diagnosed more precisely and quickly and the treatments are more effective. Since elderly people are more frail and fragile, the incidence of diseases is higher among them. Hence, more resources like money and manpower should be used to keep older people on feet. Furthermore, in my opinion, the rise of life expectancy is the quantitative measurement of life. Age is a number and it does not depict all the aspects of life. The quality of life is significantly reduced the older we become. Elderly people are usually struggling with both mental and physical problems and often they have a solitude and sorrowful life in the last years of their life. The life expectancy has increased quantitatively, but in my opinion not qualitatively enough! We should help people to live longer, and more importantly better. To conclude, I believe that to live longer can be a gaining if we can help elderly to live a peaceful and valuable life as well. Of course, it will burden the society in several ways, but the society is nothing without the people in it.
Our ancestors didn't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
more than 50-60 years. In the last centuries the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy had been about 50-55 years and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
it is 60-70 years in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
. In Norway
for example
, it is more than 80 years for women. The question is that
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Is this it a gaining or draining for humans being to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
longer?
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
The increase of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy has two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences. It affects a person’s experience of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in his/her last years, and it
also
is a burden on the society in several ways. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss both.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors that affect the length of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. Thanks to the scientific developments, medical achievements and increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
quality in the last decades,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy has raised from what it had been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are more concerned and informed about their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
health and
we tend to seek
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from doctors more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. At the same time, access to medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
is easier than ever. Diseases
are discovered
and diagnosed more
precisely
and
quickly
and the treatments are more effective. Since elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more frail and fragile, the incidence of diseases is higher among them.
Hence
, more resources like money and manpower should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on feet.

Furthermore
, in my opinion, the rise of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy is the quantitative measurement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Age is a number and it does not depict all the aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. The quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the older we become. Elderly
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people
are
usually
struggling with both mental and physical problems and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
they have a solitude and sorrowful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in the last years of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy has increased
quantitatively
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my opinion not
qualitatively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
! We should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
longer, and more
importantly
better.

To conclude
, I believe that to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
longer can be a gaining if we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
elderly to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a peaceful and valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as well
.
Of course
, it will burden the society in several ways,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the society is nothing without the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in it.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations. v. 22

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
351 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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