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In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations. v.19

In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations. v. 19
Mean human lifespan is increased extremely in a current world. Although it is generally beneficial for the development, there are several associated problems for a list of countries. This essay will first discuss the main issue related to extended lifetime, which is economical setbacks in a lot of countries. Secondly, it will be followed by an analysis of the expanding retirement age standard as the most effective measure to remedy this situation. The most critical concern is that as the number of senior people increases, the budget that governments must provide for the retirement fund and medical care automatically rises. In other words, rarely do people realize how much money is spent on an elderly person and an ageing population will mean a greater tax burden for working adults. The proportion of younger, working adults will be smaller, and governments will therefore receive less money in taxes in relation to the size of the population. For example, Germany now witness serious trouble, due to the lack of young people. In this country able-bodied people make up only 34%, while another is the share of retired or children. Therefore, they are suffering from a shortage of employers. One of the best ways to alleviate this daunting predicament is to encourage immigration in order to increase the number of working adults who pay taxes. This is because in a lot of countries a total fertility rate has downward trend, so it is complicated to have own young generation who can work efficiently. As a result, encouraging international students or middle-age workers migrate would reduce governments’ social welfare budget for the retired people. For instance, this scheme is successfully used in a Belgium and France, in which government invites students to have a bachelors or master’s degree and then, continue to stay and work here. In conclusion, one of the main problems connected with prolonged average life expectancy is economical hurdles in a lot of aspects and this can be resolved through an enlarging age of retirement.
Mean human lifespan
is increased
extremely
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
world. Although it is
generally
beneficial for the development, there are several associated problems for a list of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. This essay will
first
discuss the main issue related to extended lifetime, which is economical setbacks in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Secondly
, it will
be followed
by an analysis of the expanding retirement age standard as the most effective measure to remedy this situation.

The most critical concern is that as the number of senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
increases, the budget that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
provide for the retirement fund and medical care
automatically
rises.
In other words
, rarely do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
realize how much money
is spent
on an elderly person and an
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
population will mean a greater tax burden for working adults. The proportion of younger, working adults will be smaller, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
will
therefore
receive less money in taxes in relation to the size of the population.
For example
, Germany
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
witness serious trouble, due to the lack of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
able-bodied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
34%, while another is the share of retired or children.
Therefore
, they are suffering from a shortage of employers.

One of the best ways to alleviate this daunting predicament is to encourage immigration in order to increase the number of working adults who pay taxes. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
a total fertility rate has downward
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "trended".
trend
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it
is complicated
to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
young generation who can work
efficiently
.
As a result
, encouraging international students or middle-age workers migrate would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments’
social welfare budget for the retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, this scheme is
successfully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in a Belgium and France, in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
invites students to have
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a bachelor" or simply "bachelors"?
a bachelors
or master’s degree and then, continue to stay and work here.

In conclusion
, one of the main problems connected with prolonged average life expectancy is economical hurdles in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
aspects and this can
be resolved
through an enlarging age of retirement.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations. v. 19

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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