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In the developed world, average life expactancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that caould be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations. v.1

In the developed world, average life expactancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that caould be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations. v. 1
In modern life, human's lifespan has significantly improved than before. Due to medical achieving, economical improvements and increasing life quality in the last decades. This has made two major problems for people and communities, and I think one key issue should be implemented to tackle them. Of course, for the nine from ten youngsters, a long lifespan is the damnable target, but it has some negative effects for individuals and also society. For example, firstly, it can be an excessive financial burden on society and working people, because in my country there is a such a law that it is the "must" thing for government workers to give some kind of percent of their salary for people who unable to afford them with properties and medical items. Secondly, as elderly people are more sensitive to be sick. They are liable to catch some incurable disease, for example, nowadays like in all the countries of the world in my hometown also there is being an epidemical illness like " Koronavirus" (COVID-19). The latest research found that the most amount of infected people is studied, old people are being the most amount of infected and carriers of that virus. However, in my opinion, only one solution that should be addressed with problems, is increasing in the standard pension age of people. For example, in most countries, the average retirement age is 55 years old, and it should be extended to 60 or 65 years old, if they are able for working. Therefore, it would reduce the government's and also youngsters' and excessive financial burden. In conclusion, there is a huge financial impact on communities and people, it can easily be overcome by increasing elderly people's retirement age.
In modern life, human's lifespan has
significantly
improved
than
before
. Due to medical achieving, economical improvements and increasing life quality in the last decades. This has made two major problems for
people
and communities, and I
think
one key issue should
be implemented
to tackle them.

Of course
, for the nine from ten youngsters, a long lifespan is the damnable target,
but
it has
some
negative
effects for individuals and
also
society.
For example
,
firstly
, it can be an excessive financial burden on society and working
people
,
because
in my country there is a such a law that it is the
"
must
"
thing for
government
workers to give
some
kind of percent of their salary for
people
who unable to afford them with properties and medical items.
Secondly
, as elderly
people
are more sensitive to be sick. They are liable to catch
some
incurable disease,
for example
, nowadays like in all the countries of the world in my hometown
also
there is being an
epidemical
illness like
"
Koronavirus
"
(COVID-19). The latest research found that the most amount of infected
people
is studied
,
old
people
are being the most amount of infected and carriers of that virus.

However
, in my opinion,
only
one solution that should
be addressed
with problems, is increasing in the standard pension age of
people
.
For example
, in most countries, the average retirement age is 55 years
old
, and it should
be extended
to 60 or 65 years
old
, if they are able for working.
Therefore
, it would
reduce
the
government
's and
also
youngsters' and excessive financial burden.

In conclusion
, there is a huge financial impact on communities and
people
, it can
easily
be overcome
by increasing elderly
people
's retirement age.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In the developed world, average life expactancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that caould be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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