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In the 21st century, many women have come out of their home to become what we call working women. What are the advantages and disadvantages of women joining the workforce?

In the 21st century, many women have come out of their home to become what we call working women. What are the advantages and disadvantages of women joining the workforce? ljrg1
In the last century, it became gradually common to see women denying their imposed roles as housewives and home keepers and entering the market with their skills and courage. Although there might be some challenges and disadvantages, I believe that it is of pivotal importance and advantageous that they keep building their paths through independence. Firstly, the participation of females in workplaces means a growing autonomy for them and higher financial stability for all. As they represent more than half of the population of the world, it is an undeniable workforce that can improve production and, moreover, a fairer shared income. For instance, any person that has her own money is allowed to consume more as well. Secondly, as they gather protagonism on a global scale, there might be greater development in human rights that are beneficial for minorities and vulnerable populations. That is because access to information and self-awareness is deeply connected to social status and economic class. For example, when a woman reaches higher posts in a company, her empathy for other mothers increases the urgency for caregiver services and flexible hours for those with children at home. However, there are also some disadvantages. The chauvinist culture of some people might subject numerous females to violence and abuse because of their intolerance over their presence. Nevertheless, it is another motive to invest in women's careers in order to naturalize respect and recognition of their rights and capabilities. To sum up, working women are mostly a solution than a problem and the advantages of their efforts overcome the withdraws and should be effectively incentivized.
In the last century, it became
gradually
common to
see
women denying their imposed roles as housewives and home keepers and entering the market with their
skills
and courage. Although there might be
some
challenges and disadvantages, I believe that it is of pivotal importance and advantageous that they
keep
building their paths through independence.

Firstly
, the participation of females in workplaces means a growing autonomy for them and higher financial stability for all. As they represent more than half of the population of the world, it is an undeniable workforce that can
improve
production and,
moreover
, a fairer shared income.
For instance
, any person that has her
own
money is
allowed
to consume more
as
well.

Secondly
, as they gather protagonism on a global scale, there might be greater development in human rights that are beneficial for minorities and vulnerable populations.
That is
because
access to information and self-awareness is
deeply
connected to social status and economic
class
.
For example
, when a woman reaches higher posts in a
company
, her empathy for other mothers increases the urgency for caregiver services and flexible hours for those with children at home.

However
, there are
also
some
disadvantages. The chauvinist culture of
some
people
might subject numerous females to violence and abuse
because
of their intolerance over their presence.
Nevertheless
, it is another motive to invest in women's careers in order to naturalize respect and recognition of their rights and capabilities.

To sum up, working women are
mostly
a solution than a problem and the advantages of their efforts overcome the
withdraws
and should be
effectively
incentivized.
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IELTS essay In the 21st century, many women have come out of their home to become what we call working women. What are the advantages and disadvantages of women joining the workforce?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
265 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
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  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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