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In the 20th century, the citizens in some countries have the value of owning accommodation, rather than renting it. There are major two factors that contributed to this problem. Although few advantages occurred, I believe that disadvantages have more impact.

In the 20th century, the citizens in some countries have the value of owning accommodation, rather than renting it. There are major two factors that contributed to this problem. Although few advantages occurred, I believe that disadvantages have more impact. 5a9Yn
In the 20th century, the citizens in some countries have the value of owning accommodation, rather than renting it. There are major two factors that contributed to this problem. Although few advantages occurred, I believe that disadvantages have more impact. First of all owning a house could be an asset, leading to profit maximization in the long-run. Likewise, the value of the land and the construction increases each year. Housing can be considered as assets which values will be accumulated, and the higher price will be occured in the future. Secondly, purchasing a house requires the owner to design and choose the materials regrading of their preference. Hence, the owners could construct and design accommodation based on life-styles, allowing the house to be the representative of what is inside the owner. For example, if the owner of the accommodation is a girl who has a dream the be princess, she could design the home with the pastel color and cute design to suit her preference. However, a plethora of negative situation can be occurred. Firstly, high social pressure from family or friends influence people to purchase a house at very young ages. Likewise, bad money management during recession period could make the owner can not afford the payment of the house, resulting in selling the house at low prices. Take thai economy crisis as a example, during Thai recession, a number of business need to be shut down, no income or subsidy provided to unemployment workers, resulting in many accommodations need to be took over from commercial bank. In conclusion, from all mentioned above, some citizens that have the believe to own not rent a house could occur in the society because of profit maximization and owner’s preference. However, this is a negative situation as a result of bad monetary management.
In the 20th century, the citizens in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries have the value of owning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accommodation
,
rather
than renting it. There are major two factors that contributed to this problem. Although few advantages occurred, I believe that disadvantages have more impact.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
owning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
could be an asset, leading to profit maximization in the long-run.
Likewise
, the value of the land and the construction increases each year. Housing can
be considered
as assets which values will
be accumulated
, and the higher price will be
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "occurred", the past tense form of the verb 'occur'?
occured
in the future.
Secondly
, purchasing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
requires the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owner
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
design
and choose the materials regrading of their preference.
Hence
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owners
could construct and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
design
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accommodation
based on life-styles, allowing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
to be the representative of what is inside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owner
.
For example
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owner
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accommodation
is a girl who has a dream
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'be' is correct. If 'be' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the be
princess, she could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
design
the home with the pastel color and cute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
design
to suit her preference.

However
, a plethora of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
situation can
be occurred
.
Firstly
, high social pressure from family or friends influence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young ages.
Likewise
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
money management during recession period could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owner
can not afford the payment of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
, resulting in selling the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
at low prices. Take
Possible spelling mistake found.
thai
economy crisis as
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
example, during Thai recession, a number of business need to
be shut
down, no income or subsidy provided to unemployment workers, resulting in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
accommodations need to be
Consider using a past participle here: "taken".
took
over from commercial bank.

In conclusion
, from all mentioned above,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
citizens that have the
Did you mean "belief" (noun) instead of believe (verb)?
believe
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
not rent a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
could occur in the society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of profit maximization and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owner’s
preference.
However
, this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
situation
as a result
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
monetary management.
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IELTS essay In the 20th century, the citizens in some countries have the value of owning accommodation, rather than renting it. There are major two factors that contributed to this problem. Although few advantages occurred, I believe that disadvantages have more impact.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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