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In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? pjAL
It is true that the advancement done in in agro industry at war stage, but lot of public slip with empty stomach. I believe there are several reason behind this and we should take some steps to solve this problems. Today we reached on mars but section of people are still not achieve one time of meal, it is complete failure for human being. With the advancement of technology, agro field is also developed up to the mark and made possible to produce multi time production of all agro product in compare to past, we have hybrid verity of seeds and ultra-modern technology to mitigate demands of world. However we could not succeed. There are few causes behind this, Firstly, over population is prime reason, developing country are facing with this issue, they have no enough resources to fulfill hunger of all population. Secondly, We have no special arrangement to divert extra food sources to needy one, some developed countries have over resources of food which is vested hugely while other developing territory has required that, for example, USA has surplus food sources available while some area of south Africa has no sources available. I believe that we could take action to solve this hunger problem. Government has to launce Campion to aware people about population and make some strict rules to control population. Moreover, Need some intelligent system worldwide which can arrange food resources equally without any failure, in that all country and NGO make alliance to decreased hunger index. Furthermore, Develop country should help to poor country for development of food resources. In conclusion, Enormous changes made in agriculture at advance level but we could not succeed to decreased hunger index. Overpopulation and mismanagement of meal resources reason behind this. However we could succeed while authorities give priority to solve this problem judiciously.
It is true that the advancement done
Possible typo: you repeated a word
in in
Possible spelling mistake found.
agro
industry at war stage,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
public slip with empty stomach. I believe there are several reason behind
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
this and
we should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
steps to solve
Did you mean "these"?
this
problems.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
we reached on
The planet and the god are written with uppercase. 'mars' refers to the verb 'mar' meaning to spoil, or the plural of the noun 'mar' meaning blemishes.
mars
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
section of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
still
not achieve one time of meal, it is complete failure for human being. With the advancement of technology,
Possible spelling mistake found.
agro
field is
also
developed up to the mark and made possible to produce multi time production of all
Possible spelling mistake found.
agro
product in compare to past, we have hybrid verity of seeds and ultra-modern technology to mitigate demands of world.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
we could not succeed. There are few causes behind this,
Firstly
, over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
is prime reason, developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
are facing with this issue, they have no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
resources to fulfill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunger
of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
.
Secondly
, We have no special arrangement to divert extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
sources to needy one,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have over resources of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which
is vested
hugely
while other developing territory has required that,
for example
, USA has surplus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
sources available while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
area of
Capitalize specific, well-defined geographical regions: "South Africa"
south Africa
has no sources available.

I believe that we could take action to solve this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunger
problem.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
Possible spelling mistake found.
launce
Possible spelling mistake found.
Campion
to aware
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
to control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
.
Moreover
, Need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
intelligent system worldwide which can arrange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
resources
equally
without any failure, in that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and NGO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
alliance to decreased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunger
index.
Furthermore
, Develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
for development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
resources.

In conclusion
, Enormous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
made in agriculture at advance level
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we could not succeed to decreased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunger
index. Overpopulation and mismanagement of meal resources reason behind this.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
we could succeed while authorities give priority to solve this problem
judiciously
.
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IELTS essay In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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