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In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem.

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem. pRaLd
Science has made great progress in every sector of life, most importantly in the agriculture sector but a large number of people still don't have basic meals. There are plenty of reasons for this, and United Nations with several international organization can help to mitigate this situation. First of all, there are places where getting access is tough. For example, in Africa, many tribes who usually live in a dangerous place, and most of them are illiterate which makes it difficult to communicate with them. They generally depend on nature to survive, and sometimes nature fails to provide foods for them. Besides, they are afraid of outsiders as they feel they may harm them, and if anyone tries to contact them, either they will attack or disappear. The local people might help to prevent this situation as they understand those people, and they can make them understand there are enormous food sources available. Secondly, although farmers produce huge quantity of crops, the lack of proper distribution makes two-third of the world's population remain hungry. The wealthy nations get the advantage of their money, and can buy most of the crops which make the poorer country difficult to buy food. The possible solution is United nations may impose international laws, and make suitable punishment for those countries who try to add to their stock. Thirdly and most important point is in most of the countries farmers aren't paying well by the government. The middlemen are mostly benefitted, and the farmers are getting poorer day by day. In this regard, the government can make an impact to save its country's agriculture. However, it is a great problem for numerous nations, and the scarcity of food is increasing day by day. With the help of international organizations with local organizations, this problem can be solved.
Science has made great progress in every sector of life, most
importantly
in the agriculture sector
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
still
don't have basic meals. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of reasons for this, and United
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Nations
with several international organization can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to mitigate this situation.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, there are places where getting access is tough.
For example
, in Africa,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tribes who
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
place, and most of them are illiterate which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
it difficult to communicate with them. They
generally
depend on nature to survive, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
nature fails to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
for them.
Besides
, they are afraid of outsiders as they feel they may harm them, and if anyone tries to contact them, either they will attack or disappear. The local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this situation as they understand those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, and they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them understand there are enormous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
sources available.

Secondly
, although farmers produce huge quantity of crops, the lack of proper distribution
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
two-third of the world's population remain hungry. The wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the advantage of their money, and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
most of the crops which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the poorer country difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. The possible solution
is United
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
may impose international laws, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
suitable punishment for those countries who try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
to their stock.

Thirdly
and most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point is in most of the countries farmers aren't paying well by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. The middlemen are
mostly
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitted
, and the farmers are getting poorer day by day. In this regard, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
an impact to save its country's agriculture.

However
, it is a great problem for numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
, and the scarcity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is increasing day by day. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of international organizations with local organizations, this problem can
be solved
.

IELTS essay In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
302 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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