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It is often thought by some people that being wealthy is the major source of happiness in life.

It is often thought by some people that being wealthy is the major source of happiness in life. PVLr2
It is often thoughts by some people that being wealthy is the major source of happiness in life. In my view, I believe factors such as having good health and families are also responsible for a feeling of satisfaction. Being financially buoyant affords a man basic needs and much more luxurious amenities such as good cars, houses, food and clothing. This result in boosting his ego, hence making him feel happy. Additionally, being rich enable him to help the less privileged in the society which in turn makes him influential in the society. Hence, having a feeling of contentment. For example, a philanthropist in my area, is always happy anytime he visit the orphanage and provides food for the orphans. Admittedly, even though richness has been found to be a source of happiness, another factor such as having good health is also responsible for our state of joy. Good health cannot be purchased. There are several wealthy people who are not happy because they are sick. For instance, a wealthy man who had cancer and have spent so much money in order to get better did not improve. At the point of death said "shame to money. " Another point to consider is having a good family. Many homes have broken as a result of barrenness. For example, I know a couple who is so rich and have spent so much money in order to have their own biological children without any positive result. In conclusion, even though being wealthy makes one happy, it is not the only factor that is responsible for having a sense of fulfilment.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
thoughts by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealthy
is the major source of happiness in life. In my view, I believe factors such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
health and families are
also
responsible for a feeling of satisfaction.

Being
financially
buoyant affords a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
basic needs and much more luxurious amenities such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
cars,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
, food and clothing. This result in boosting his ego,
hence
making him feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
.
Additionally
, being rich enable him to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the less privileged in the society which in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
him influential in the society.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a feeling of contentment.
For example
, a philanthropist in my area, is always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
anytime he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "visits", "visited".
visit
the orphanage and provides food for the orphans.

Admittedly
,
even though
richness has
been found
to be a source of happiness, another factor such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
health is
also
responsible for our state of joy.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Good
health cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
. There are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are sick.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who had cancer and have spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much money in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
. At the point of death said
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
shame to money.
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Another point to consider is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
family.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
homes have broken
as a result
of barrenness.
For example
, I know a couple who is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
rich and have spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much money in order to have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
biological children without any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
result.

In conclusion
,
even though
being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
, it is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
factor
that is
responsible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a sense of
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
.

IELTS essay It is often thought by some people that being wealthy is the major source of happiness in life.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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