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In some parts of the World, people have become more focused on themselves than their communities. What problems can this situation cause and how can they be solved?

In some parts of the World, people have become more focused on themselves than their communities. What problems can this situation cause and how can they be solved? l6kW
These days, more and more people have believed that individuality is more crucial than building a community. This essay will discuss the main problems about this topic and propose some possible solutions. The main problems caused by individuality are selfishness and asociality. Although liberation idea that developed with individuality seems extremely glorious, it causes raising lots of selfish people in our society. Therefore people feel increasingly lonely due to the lack of help. What’re more these people try to cope with their problems in daily or professional life on their own. End of the day, they became a selfish person. Of course, they are not able to a significant part of a team. In my opinion, the best solution to this problem is an education in primary school. Firstly, children are open to new ideas and they soak up everything around them easily. If we teach them the importance of the community, they could shape their lifespan with this feature. In fact, we ought to do this to improve our level of luxury in lifestyle. Dr. Moore Lappo from the University of California says that “Community is our survivor”. For instance, humanity has developed cities, agriculture, and science with others’ help as a group as in Gobeklitepe or Stonehenge. In conclusion, focussing on themselves causes some problems in our contemporary society and people’s feeling and social life. The most effective solution is to teach the significance of the communities to the children with education. Hence they could become a more social and happy person.
These days, more and more
people
have believed that individuality is more crucial than building a
community
. This essay will discuss the main
problems
about this topic and propose
some
possible solutions.

The main
problems
caused by individuality are selfishness and
asociality
. Although liberation
idea
that developed with individuality seems
extremely
glorious, it causes raising lots of selfish
people
in our society.
Therefore
people
feel
increasingly
lonely due to the lack of
help
. What’re more these
people
try to cope with their
problems
in daily or professional life on their
own
.
End
of the day, they became a selfish person.
Of course
, they are not able to a significant part of a team.

In my opinion, the best solution to this
problem
is an education in primary school.
Firstly
, children are open to new
ideas and
they soak up everything around them
easily
. If we teach them the importance of the
community
, they could shape their lifespan with this feature. In fact, we ought to do this to
improve
our level of luxury in lifestyle. Dr. Moore
Lappo
from the University of California says that
“Community
is our survivor”.
For instance
, humanity has developed cities, agriculture, and science with others’
help
as a group as in
Gobeklitepe
or Stonehenge.

In conclusion
, focussing on themselves causes
some
problems
in our contemporary society and
people’s
feeling and social life. The most effective solution is to teach the significance of the
communities
to the children with education.
Hence
they could become a more social and happy person.
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IELTS essay In some parts of the World, people have become more focused on themselves than their communities. What problems can this situation cause and how can they be solved?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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