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In some nations, an increasing number of mature people tend to share accommodations with their parents despite finishing the degree and starting to work.

In some nations, an increasing number of mature people tend to share accommodations with their parents despite finishing the degree and starting to work. KGQQ3
In some nations, an increasing number of mature people tend to share accommodations with their parents despite finishing the degree and starting to work. In my opinion, the benefits of living with parents vastly eclipse its drawbacks. On the one hand, I have conceded that those who live with parents may result in some negative consequences. Firstly, people living in the same proof with their parents may have trouble developing capacity for self-reliance which is vital to career success. In other words, adults may let parents invariably take care of every matter of life. As a result, they might have little room for personal growth and autonomy, and skills like financial management and problem solving would be diminished. Secondly, living with parents under one roof can strip adults of their privacy. It is impossible for them to have simple acts like inviting their friends over for a party or enjoying music at the maximum volume, however indispensable these things can be to adults' mental wellbeing. Despite the possible disadvantages mentioned above, I am more convinced of the advantages offered by staying at the same with adults' parents. The first benefit is that it is economical for young people who share the same proof with their parents. Understandably, fresh graduates and novice workers do not have a stable job or a steady income yet which is hard for them to cover living expenses if they are to move out on their own. In the same household, parents can save their coming-of-age children the trouble of monthly household rent and living costs like water and electricity bills. The second benefit is that living under the same roof can help forge stronger bonds between family members. This offers people abundant opportunities for face-to-face interactions and intimate conversations. Young people can discuss problems and get advice from family members when they fall victim to social misconduct, for example. In short, despite the drawbacks concerning staying with parents after getting a job or graduating from university, I believe that the benefits are much weightier.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations, an increasing number of mature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to share accommodations with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
despite finishing the degree and starting to work. In my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
vastly
eclipse its drawbacks.

On the one hand, I have conceded that those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
may result in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in the same proof with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
may have trouble developing capacity for self-reliance which is vital to career success.
In other words
, adults may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
invariably
take care of every matter of life.
As a result
, they might have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
room for personal growth and autonomy, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
like financial management and problem solving would
be diminished
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
under one roof can strip adults of their privacy. It is impossible for them to have simple acts like inviting their friends over for a party or enjoying music at the maximum volume,
however
indispensable these things can be to adults' mental
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
.

Despite the possible disadvantages mentioned above, I am more convinced of the advantages offered by staying at the same with adults'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
is that it is economical for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who share the same proof with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Understandably
, fresh graduates and novice workers do not have a stable job or a steady income
yet
which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for them to cover
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
expenses if they are to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
out on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. In the same household,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can save their coming-of-age children the trouble of monthly household rent and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
costs like water and electricity bills. The second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
under the same roof can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
forge stronger bonds between family members.
Did you mean "these"?
This
offers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
abundant opportunities for face-to-face interactions and intimate conversations. Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can discuss problems and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
advice from family members when they fall victim to social misconduct,
for example
.

In short, despite the drawbacks concerning staying with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
after getting a job or graduating from university, I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
are much weightier.
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IELTS essay In some nations, an increasing number of mature people tend to share accommodations with their parents despite finishing the degree and starting to work.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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