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In some high schools part of the curriculum requires students to participate in community work such as helping the elderly or disabled. In what way do children get benefits from this? Do you think it should be part of the curriculum?

In some high schools part of the curriculum requires students to participate in community work such as helping the elderly or disabled. In what way do children get benefits from this? Do you think it should be part of the curriculum? y26g
Extracurricular activities are very important part in the daily life in the growing up phase of each and every individual. In this thinking the schools have made an method which is compulsory i. e doing the extracurricular activities. This method taken by the school will help in making the kids energetic and will develop them to be an individual. After doing the research, the kids have got numerous benefits by helping other people of the public. This has reflected to their nature to help the public people which would be more supportive if they keep on helping each other and this would not stop. Besides the social work the children are being doing their educational experience will also get more expertized which will reflect when they go into adolescence stage of life. Lastly, If the children, invest their time in extracurricular activities like social work it may become very good interest for them and they will help each other rather then degrading them. This nature of children must be their in each and every child till their old age. Looking at my plan, I figure it out to be obligatory in the school as the youngsters are learning and understanding themselves to become an better individual only. For instance, now a days numerous individuals in the family, keep their child away from their grandparents and so the affection of the kids towards their grandparents is very less. So in my opinion the parents must keep their child affectionate with their grandparents too. Helping the grandparents and parents is the biggest social work for the child throughout their life. Also now a days their a greatest part of the young people who don’t see the reality and are enjoying the exercises and games must invest their time in family planning too. To finish up, helping others have given a very big exercise to the children and also developed the helping nature into each and every child during their life. I may request each and every educator taking care of their students to keep extracurricular activities as a important part of their academic lifestyle.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part in the daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in the growing up phase of each and every individual. In this thinking the schools have made
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
method which is compulsory i. e doing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. This method taken by the school will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in making the kids energetic and will develop them to be an individual.

After doing the research, the kids have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
numerous benefits by helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of the public. This has reflected to their nature to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the public
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
which would be more supportive if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
on helping each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and this would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
.
Besides
the social work the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are being doing their educational experience will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more
Possible spelling mistake found.
expertized
which will reflect when they go into adolescence stage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Lastly
, If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, invest their time in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like social work it may become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
interest for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
rather
Did you mean "than"? 'than' is used for comparisons, 'then' is an expression of time.
then
degrading them. This nature of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be their in each and every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
till their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age.

Looking at my plan, I figure it out to be obligatory in the school as the youngsters are learning and understanding themselves to become
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
better individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.
For instance
,
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
numerous individuals in the family,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
away from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the affection of the kids towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in my opinion the parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
affectionate with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
too. Helping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
and parents is the biggest social work for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
throughout their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
Did you mean "there"?
their
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
greatest part of the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the reality and are enjoying the exercises and games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
invest their time in family planning too.

To finish up, helping others have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
exercise to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
also
developed the helping nature into each and every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. I may request each and every educator taking care of their students to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
as
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of their academic lifestyle.
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IELTS essay In some high schools part of the curriculum requires students to participate in community work such as helping the elderly or disabled. In what way do children get benefits from this? Do you think it should be part of the curriculum?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • In some high schools part of the curriculum requires students to participate in community work such as helping the elderly or disabled. In what way do children get benefits from this? Do you think it should be part of the curriculum?