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In some cultures old people are valuable more.While,in other cultures youth is considered valued more. Discuss both views with your opinion

In some cultures old people are valuable more. While, in other cultures youth is considered valued more. Discuss both views with your opinion J3d15
Undoubtedly, old people or backbone of family, therefore, they are more valuable in fer traditions. However, in other cultures, youth are valued more because they flourish name of their family. In this essay, I will describe both views before forming my own opinion. To commence with, there are manifold reasons why people think so? First and foremost, experience-holders are more important because they have keen knowledge about all aspects mainly about rituals, traditions and so on which is major reason to give more importance to them. Secondly, in Indian culture, grey-society treated as God because they are roots of their family and they keep their family in unit. For instance, they helps children to develop more rapidly because they always give lessons that are necessary for them. As a result of this, children can learn more about culture and tradition in an easy way. Lasr but not least, golden- ager people are good advisor because they know what is good or bad for them, which is major factor to give more importance to them. However, youth are more valuable in other cultures because they are more creative and they have more knowledge about technology which helps them to shine their family’s name and they achieve their goals more rapidly as compared to old people which is one of the major factor to give them more importance. To elaborate, in foreign countries, people prefer to live in small units and they send old people in ngo’s as they assert that old people are only wastage of money as they have lots of demand. Whereas, youth are self-dependent and they earn lots of money because they have more energy. To recapitulate, I assert that both groups has their own importance in family because they serve their best to shine family’s name.
Undoubtedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or backbone of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
therefore
, they are more valuable in fer traditions.
However
, in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
, youth
are valued
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they flourish name of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. In this essay, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
both views
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
forming my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion. To commence with, there are manifold reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
?
First
and foremost, experience-holders are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have keen knowledge about all aspects
mainly
about rituals, traditions and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on which is major reason to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
importance
to them.
Secondly
, in Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
grey-society
treated as God
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are roots of their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
family and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
in unit.
For instance
, they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "help"
helps
children to develop more
rapidly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
lessons that are necessary for them.
As a result
of this, children can learn more about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and tradition
Consider replacing "in an easy way" with the adverb for "easy"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an easy way
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Lasr
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, golden-
Possible spelling mistake found.
ager
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
advisor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they know what is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for them, which is major factor to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
importance
to them.
However
, youth are more valuable in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are more
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
creative and
they have more knowledge about technology which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to shine their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family’s
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
name and
they achieve their goals more
rapidly
as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which is one of the major factor to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
them more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
importance
. To elaborate, in foreign countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
units and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
ngo
’s as they assert that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
wastage of money as they have lots of demand. Whereas, youth are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
self-dependent and
they earn lots of money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have more energy. To recapitulate, I assert that both groups has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
importance
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they serve their best to shine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family’s
name.
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IELTS essay In some cultures old people are valuable more. While, in other cultures youth is considered valued more. Discuss both views with your opinion

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
299 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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