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In some cultures old age is more valued, while in other cultures youth is more valued. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.3

In some cultures old age is more valued, while in other cultures youth is more valued. v. 3
Generally people living in cities or towns close to museums or historical sites don't prefer visiting them regularly. In the following essay, I would like to discuss the reasons for that situation and things that can be done in order to change them. To begin with, the majority of people living close to heritage sites don't understand their true value. Hence, they end up underestimating the importance and they neglect the benefit of visiting such places. In order to bring a change in this scenario, many NGO's (Non-Governmental Organisations) and Archaeological Societies are working together for years now. For example, after years of efforts by many NGOs, common public living in the city of Warangal, Telangana came to know the heritage and historical importance of the Warangal Fort. This enlightenment brought a huge change in the number of local people visiting the fort, leading to an enormous increase in the funds and further improvement of the site. Secondly, heritage sites are usually overcrowded with people and jam packed with traffic all the time. This situation generally builds up a negative impression in the minds of people living around that area. Many people even try to avoid ways close to such sites in their daily commute. However, to change the scenario and to attract the local crowd, developing and organizing the museum or historical site can help. To illustrate, recent development of an archaeological museum in Hampi, Karnataka, in terms of improved basic amenities such as parking facilities and proper maintenance of the area surrounding the museum has drastically increased the number of local people visiting the museum. To conclude, museums and historical sites play an impeccable role in inculcating the glory and culture of the past into the present world. Its our basic responsibility to look after and develop them to attract more people, irrespective of being local or non local.
Generally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in cities or towns close to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
don't prefer visiting them
regularly
. In the following essay, I would like to discuss the reasons for that situation and things that can
be done
in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
them.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
close to heritage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
don't understand their true value.
Hence
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up underestimating the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
importance and
they neglect the benefit of visiting such places. In order to bring a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
in this scenario,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Incorrect plural form; it does not need any apostrophe. Did you mean "NGOs"?
NGO's
(Non-Governmental
Possible spelling mistake. 'Organisations' is British English.
Organisations
) and Archaeological Societies are working together for years
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
For example
, after years of efforts by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
NGOs, common public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in the city of Warangal, Telangana came to know the heritage and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
importance of the Warangal Fort. This enlightenment brought a huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
visiting the fort, leading to an enormous increase in the funds and
further
improvement of the site.

Secondly
, heritage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
are
usually
overcrowded with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and jam packed with traffic all the time. This situation
generally
builds up a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impression in the minds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
around that area.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
even try to avoid ways close to such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
in their daily commute.
However
, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
the scenario and to attract the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
crowd, developing and organizing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
. To illustrate, recent development of an archaeological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hampi
, Karnataka, in terms of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
basic amenities such as parking facilities and proper maintenance of the area surrounding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
has
drastically
increased the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
visiting the museum.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
play an impeccable role in inculcating the glory and culture of the past into the present world.
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
Its
our basic responsibility to look after and develop them to attract more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, irrespective of being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
or non
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay In some cultures old age is more valued, while in other cultures youth is more valued. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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