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In some cultures , children often told that they can anyting if they try hard enough

In some cultures, children often told that they can anyting if they try hard enough QMmB9
In some countries most children believe that if they try to their best, they can have everythings whuch they want. In this essay, I will examine advantages and disadvantages of this opinion. First of all, it is definitely good that children have a good future because they can live as they want in the future. To do this, they must do their best. They strive for their future life and dreams and can study well in the sciences. They plan thair every minute of their day and insted af westing time, they learn some dubjects which necessary for their profession. Becouse they know this type of phrese as a motivation. If they do their best, they can become famous, rich, and able to help people and many children found them, they are favorite people of them. But on the other hand, they waste their childhood for it. From friends, to enjoy, the game has to give up laughter. Because they think such phrases are the rule of their lives and lose their happiness. It's becouse they always follow this phrase and in this way they usually study and read books even in the nights. Sometimes they forget to have a meal. They spend their chilhood as a robot which controlled by somebody. They look like heartless robots and they feel lonely. There is another reason why children choose this way, it is that their parents demand from them To sum up, having a perfect life is prefer for everybody, but children should not forget to live like a child and also try hard to achive the success
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
believe that if they try to their best, they can have
Possible spelling mistake found.
everythings
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whuch
they want. In this essay, I will examine advantages and disadvantages of this opinion.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
as they want in the future. To do this, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
do their best. They strive for their future life and dreams and can study well in the sciences. They
Possible spelling mistake found.
plan thair
every minute of their day and
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insted
Possible spelling mistake found.
af
westing time, they learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
dubjects
which necessary for their profession.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Becouse
they know this type of
Possible spelling mistake found.
phrese
as a motivation. If they do their best, they can become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
, rich, and able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
found them, they are favorite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of them.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
on the other hand
, they waste their childhood for it. From friends, to enjoy, the game
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
give up laughter.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
such phrases are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and lose their happiness. It's
Possible spelling mistake found.
becouse
they always follow this phrase and in this way they
usually
study and read books even in the nights.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
they forget to have a meal. They spend their
Possible spelling mistake found.
chilhood
as a robot which controlled by somebody. They look like heartless robots and they feel lonely. There is another reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
choose this way, it is that their parents demand from them

To sum up, having a perfect life is
Consider using a past participle here: "preferred".
prefer
for everybody,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not forget to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
like a child and
also
try
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
achive
the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
success
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IELTS essay In some cultures, children often told that they can anyting if they try hard enough

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
266 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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