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In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

In share of countries, parents and adults often says to children that they need to study or work hard to attain their goals or to become succesful person. This essay will about advantages that this message motivate children to study more and be workful and drawback that it is not true in some situation when people are succesful despite that they studied badly at school and some your people worry significantly about grade. The advantage of giving children this message is motivation. If parents encourage children to try hard enough, children will believe themselves and be motivated to study hard. Motivation is very current to study. For instance, it was reported in The New York Times that 76% of children who have motivation to study have. Futhermore, adults should remember about stimulating small humans to study or try hard. On the other hand, there are some drawbacks of telling this message to young people. Firstly, it is not always true, for example people who studied badly earlier can have success in future. If person have negative results in literature, he can have positive marks in math. Children do not need try hard a lot in subject that they hate or have issue. Secondly, some children worry a lot about marks and think that if they do not have excellent grades, they will not become successful. And if child has a considerable stress, it can damage his health. The story that was published in Almaty News is good illustration what can do stress about grades with pupil. The girl who was studied at 19th school had some some problem with math and thought that she cannot live with it, as a result she did thing that anyone can change, she was died. Moreover, parents should control about their children’s health and do not remind them about this message. In conclution, the advantages of giving message is children are motivated to study hard. But the disadtages is false about children will not accomplish anything without studying and trying hard enough and children’s depression which is connected with study hard.
In share of countries, parents and adults
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
says to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that they need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
or work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
to attain their goals or to become
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succesful
person. This essay will about advantages that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
message
motivate
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children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
more and be
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workful
and drawback that it is not true in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situation when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
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succesful
despite that they studied
badly
at school and
A determiner cannot be combined with a possessive pronoun. Did you mean simply “some” or “your”?
some your
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people
worry
significantly
about grade.

The advantage of giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
message
is motivation. If parents encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to try
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will believe themselves and
be motivated
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
. Motivation is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
For instance
, it
was reported
in The New York Times that 76% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who have motivation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
have.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Futhermore
, adults should remember about stimulating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
humans to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
or try
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks of telling this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
message
to young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Firstly
, it is not always true,
for example
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who studied
badly
earlier can have success
The phrase ‘in future’ is British English. Did you mean: “in the future”?
in future
. If person have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
results in literature, he can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
marks in math.
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Children
do not
The verb “try” needs to be in the to-infinitive form.
need try
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hard
a lot in subject that they hate or have issue.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
worry a lot about marks and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that if they do not have excellent grades, they will not become successful. And if child has a considerable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, it can damage his health. The story that
was published
in Almaty News is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration what can do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
about grades with pupil. The girl who
was studied
at 19th school had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problem with math and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that she cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with it,
as a result
she did thing that anyone can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, she was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
.
Moreover
, parents should control about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
health and do not remind them about this message.

In
Possible spelling mistake found.
conclution
, the advantages of giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
message
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are motivated
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
disadtages
is false about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will not accomplish anything without studying and trying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
depression which
is connected
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
.
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IELTS essay In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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