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In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message? aYJG
Telling children that they will achieve anything as long as they put in enough effort is prevalent in certain cultures. This essay will discuss both the benefits and drawbacks of this message. To begin with the positives, this message can strongly motivate individuals to achieve things through sheer determination. To illustrate, consider those who pursue a career in professions like music, or sports, which tend to have unstable and irregular incomes. In this case, they can benefit from this message by believing in themselves and keeping going, despite this type of career having low possibilities of taking off. One of the best instances for this is a Canadian singer, The Weekends. Growing up, he had been told that he will be a successful singer and even leave his mark globally one day. Now that he has become the world famous pop star, he inspires other people never to give up on their dreams and stay passionate, although it takes grit. In contrast, there are also some possible negative effects of telling children that they will achieve anything with sufficient effort. For example, suppose that an individual was constantly being told that they could accomplish anything but ended up failing to produce any positive results. As a consequence, this way of teaching will not only set them up for disillusionment but also traumatize some of them, discouraging these individuals from achieving little things afterwards. While some might believe that hard work equals success, there are some exceptions to it as the connection between effort and achievement is rather intricate. In conclusion, while teaching children that hard work will guarantee success can be a great source of motivation, overall, it causes a number of opposite effects. Therefore, parents need to strike a healthy balance so that their children can have better potential for a better achievement.
Telling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that they will achieve anything as long as they put in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
effort is prevalent in certain cultures. This essay will discuss both the benefits and drawbacks of this message.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the positives, this message can
strongly
motivate individuals to achieve things through sheer determination. To illustrate, consider those who pursue a career in professions like music, or sports, which tend to have unstable and irregular incomes.
In this case
, they can benefit from this message by believing in themselves and keeping going, despite this type of career having low possibilities of taking off. One of the best instances for this is a Canadian singer, The Weekends. Growing up, he had been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
that he will be a successful singer and even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
his mark globally one day.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
that he has become the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
pop star, he inspires other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
never to give up on their dreams and stay passionate, although it takes grit.

In contrast
, there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of telling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that they will achieve anything with sufficient effort.
For example
, suppose that an individual was
constantly
being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
that they could accomplish anything
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
ended up failing to produce any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
results. As a consequence, this way of teaching will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
set them up for disillusionment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
traumatize
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them, discouraging these individuals from achieving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
things afterwards. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
might believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work equals success, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exceptions to it as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
effort and achievement is
rather
intricate.

In conclusion
, while teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work will guarantee success can be a great source of motivation,
overall
, it causes a number of opposite effects.
Therefore
, parents need to strike a healthy balance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can have better potential for a better achievement.
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IELTS essay In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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