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In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages?

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages? DQyE
There is a message which normally teaches to children, in various cultures, to do hard work to succeed. This essay will first suggest the primary benefit of working hard, and then the drawback of this approach. The main advantage of teaching children to work wholeheartedly is that it leads to learning the key to success. This means that pupils learn if they work well; they can achieve well. For instance, while preparing for exams, there should be a lecture given to children on the importance of study by themselves instead of copying data from other kid’s papers. In this way, they would be got an idea that they will become a good person and gain knowledge if they study. That’s why this technique is very fruitful at the younger stage, and these pupils will become respectable members of society. Despite this benefit, there is a negative effect too. In other words, some people take it as much seriously and they busy themselves in their work without taking any rest; besides, it creates an adverse effect on their health. According to research conducted in York school, Canada, the teenagers who taught the lesson of hard work by their instructors face an issue in their health. This means that they overburden themselves with the load of stress of work. So, in this case, this might be affected negatively instead of positively. In conclusion, although there is a benefit of learning the key thing, there is a detrimental effect too.
There is a message which
normally
teaches to children, in various cultures, to do
hard
work
to succeed. This essay will
first
suggest the primary benefit of working
hard
, and then the drawback of this approach.

The main advantage of teaching children to
work
wholeheartedly
is that it leads to learning the key to success. This means that pupils learn if they
work
well; they can achieve well.
For instance
, while preparing for exams, there should be a lecture
given
to children on the importance of study by themselves
instead
of copying data from other kid’s papers. In this way, they would be
got
an
idea
that they will become a
good
person and gain knowledge if they study. That’s why this technique is
very
fruitful at the younger stage, and these pupils will become respectable members of society.

Despite this benefit, there is a
negative
effect too.
In other words
,
some
people
take it as much
seriously and
they busy themselves in their
work
without taking any rest;
besides
, it creates an adverse effect on their health. According to research conducted in York school, Canada, the
teenagers
who taught the lesson of
hard
work
by their instructors face an issue in their health. This means that they overburden themselves with the load of
stress
of
work
.
So
,
in this case
, this might be
affected
negatively
instead
of
positively
.

In conclusion
, although there is a benefit of learning the key thing, there is a detrimental effect too.
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IELTS essay In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
247 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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