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in some culture student need to work hard to achieve

in some culture student need to work hard to achieve NVeNb
A plenty of historical scholars has been said, "Hard work never fails". Young children, can be done great things when they were working hard. It was popularly told in some cultures around the world. This essay will argue about, the possible advantages of doing hard work, In addition some of the disadvantages faced by people while they put their hard work. On the one hand, perseverance, and hard work motivate the children, to reach their desired goals. Firstly, hardworking students never failed in a attempts that they were taken. While, working hard enough, they have got valuable self rep reputation. Moreover, it made possible way of improving their intellectual skills, also it makes them more introvert. Trying some hard thing, make them much more stronger, and it gives ability to face their life situations even if it is worse. For example, a guy from Ohio rural place, achieved his two doctorate of philosophy, even without went for college or school. On the other hand, there will be some potential problems arising, even if the child trying to hard enough. Doing hard work, does not always guarantee the predicted outcome. Children, doing hard work for their academics, if they failed in that, it will affect them mentally and takes them into depressed state. Moreover it put them in a serious situations. Smart work students have gained good results, when compared with hard work students. For instance, in Britain school of arts and science taken a survey across their students, 85 percentage of students were failed, even if they were studied 16 hours per day. To conclude, student often try their best to achieve their academic, and life's goals. Even though there will be a potential problems, hard working students always get their piece of cake.
A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of historical scholars has
been said
,
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
never fails
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
. Young children, can
be done
great things when they were working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
. It was
popularly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cultures around the world. This essay will argue about, the possible advantages of doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
In addition
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
disadvantages faced by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
while they put their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
work.

On the one hand, perseverance, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
motivate the children, to reach their desired goals.
Firstly
, hardworking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
never failed in
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a attempt" or simply "attempts"?
a attempts
that they
were taken
. While, working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
valuable self rep reputation.
Moreover
, it made possible way of improving their intellectual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
also
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them more introvert. Trying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
thing,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them much
Use only "stronger" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more stronger
, and it gives ability to face their life situations even if it is worse.
For example
, a guy from Ohio rural place, achieved his two doctorate of philosophy, even without went for college or school.

On the other hand
, there will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
potential problems arising, even if the child trying to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
. Doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, does not always guarantee the predicted outcome. Children, doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for their academics, if they failed in that, it will affect them mentally and takes them into depressed state.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
it put them in a serious
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "situation"?
situations
. Smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have gained
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
results, when compared with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
For instance
, in Britain school of arts and science taken a survey across their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, 85 percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
were failed
, even if they
were studied
16 hours per day.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
try their best to achieve their academic, and life's goals.
Even though
there will be a potential
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "problem"?
problems
,
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their piece of cake.
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IELTS essay in some culture student need to work hard to achieve

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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