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in some cultur parents advise their children that if they work hard they they can get their goal.what are the advantages and disadvantages of this ?

in some cultur parents advise their children that if they work hard they they can get their goal. what are the advantages and disadvantages of this? BwYOX
It is observed that, in some culture people instruct their children, if they do work hard they can tern their ambition in reality. It has their own merits and demerits, both the aspects will analyzed in ensuing paragraph. Discussing all the profits, the most crucial is, they will hard work and they will get their goals, it is good for their life. some perents advice their children that if you do hard work in your study, so you can achieve more numbers in 10th, by inspiring them they crack the best score. In addition, they become mentaly strict that they have to do hard work because if they do not hard work more they can not touch their desire wish. So by this message they will be encouraged and run fast for their better and best result with happiness. however, it has demerits too. Firstly they become stressfull and it brings negativity toward them. they become fearfull that without hard work yhey will never achieve their their goals, some time they think themselves negatively and leaves their goals. moreover, some times they become demotivated that i have not capibility to do work hard and their results also decreases. For instance, they will do work hard and in exam they think about this advice and can not do their perform well. To conclude, it can be said that some time motivation also draw them wrong side, so people should give advice their children to do work hard without tention. so they do not think in reverse meners and become more cheearful for upcoming challenges.
It
is observed
that, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
culture
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
instruct their children, if they do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
they
The word 'tern' is a noun or an adjective. A verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here, or maybe a comma is missing.
can tern
their ambition in reality. It has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
merits and demerits, both the aspects will analyzed in ensuing paragraph. Discussing all the profits, the most crucial is, they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
work and
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their goals, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for their life.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
perents
advice their children that if you do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in your study,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
you can achieve more numbers in 10th, by inspiring them they crack the best score.
In addition
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
Possible spelling mistake found.
mentaly
strict that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more they can not touch their desire wish.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
by this message they will
be encouraged
and run
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
for their better and best result with happiness.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
, it has demerits too.
Firstly
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
Possible spelling mistake found.
stressfull
and it brings negativity toward them.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
Possible spelling mistake found.
fearfull
that without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
Possible spelling mistake found.
yhey
will never achieve
Possible typo: you repeated a word
their their
goals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
themselves
negatively
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
their goals.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
times they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
demotivated that
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
have not
Possible spelling mistake found.
capibility
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
and their results
also
decreases.
For instance
, they will do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
and in exam they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about this advice and can not do their perform well.
To conclude
, it can
be said
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time motivation
also
draw them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should give advice their children to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
without
Possible spelling mistake found.
tention
.
Use a comma before 'so' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
so
they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
in reverse
Possible spelling mistake found.
meners
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more
Possible spelling mistake found.
cheearful
for upcoming challenges.
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IELTS essay in some cultur parents advise their children that if they work hard they they can get their goal. what are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
263 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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