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In some countries young students are encouraged apply for a part-time job or a summer work program at company when they are still at the university. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this

In some countries young students are encouraged apply for a part-time job or a summer work program at company when they are still at the university. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this GL01Q
It is debated recently that plenty of students are encouraged to apply for part-time jobs in some countries or participate in a summer program in some firms while they are undergraduate. While it is true to some extent, I personally believe that this tendency may have pessimistic effects on undergraduate students. On the one hand, individuals choosing to become part-time students can have benefit-laden. Firstly, it is undoubtedly essential that students can reap financial rewards from part-time jobs, with which they can have enough expenditures to cover the cost of life expenses. In addition, individuals studying in some particular majors can seize the opportunities for transferring theoretical into practical knowledge in order to enhance interpersonal and team working skills. For example, firms with small and medium sizes can offer the summer program that contains plenty of assignments and projects, with which undergraduate students can be experienced and fulfill their skills. On the other hand, students taking other jobs while studying can have some drawbacks. To begin with, the self-evident truth is that they may want to obtain the formal qualifications to ensure their careers as soon as possible instead of focusing diligently on their learning-career. Of course one might argue that students may directly benefit from the advent of working early and cultivate hands-on experience. However, it is unquestioned that individuals can be easily influenced by that learning cognitive, which can lead to low results and bring an abundance of negative effects on undergraduate youth. Given these scores can manufacture a sense of dissatisfaction for undergraduate students that can lead to other important repercussions. In conclusion, there still exists a lack of balance in the synchronous study-work environment. The undergraduate students can receive the upside benefit-laden from choosing working but can suffer the downside in learning.
It
is debated
recently that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are encouraged
to apply for part-time jobs in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries or participate in a summer program in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
firms while they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
undergraduate
. While it is true to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, I
personally
believe that this tendency may have pessimistic effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
undergraduate
students.

On the one hand, individuals choosing to become part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can have benefit-laden.
Firstly
, it is
undoubtedly
essential that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can reap financial rewards from part-time jobs, with which they can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
expenditures to cover the cost of life expenses.
In addition
, individuals studying in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
particular majors can seize the opportunities for transferring theoretical into practical knowledge in order to enhance interpersonal and team working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For example
, firms with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
and medium sizes can offer the summer program that contains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of assignments and projects, with which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
undergraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
be experienced
and fulfill their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
taking other jobs while studying can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the self-evident truth is that they may want to obtain the formal qualifications to ensure their careers as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible
instead
of focusing
diligently
on their learning-career.
Of course
one might argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may
directly
benefit from the advent of working early and cultivate hands-on experience.
However
, it
is unquestioned
that individuals can be
easily
influenced by that learning cognitive, which can lead to low results and bring an abundance of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
undergraduate
youth.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
these scores can manufacture a sense of dissatisfaction for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
undergraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
that can lead to other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
repercussions.

In conclusion
, there
still
exists a lack of balance in the synchronous study-work environment. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
undergraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can receive the upside benefit-laden from choosing working
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can suffer the downside in learning.
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IELTS essay In some countries young students are encouraged apply for a part-time job or a summer work program at company when they are still at the university. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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