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In some countries young people are not only richer, but also safer and healthier than ever before. However, they are often less happy. What do you think are the reasons for this and what can be done to help?

In some countries young people are not only richer, but also safer and healthier than ever before. However, they are often less happy. What do you think are the reasons for this and what can be done to help? 0A6pQ
Money can not buy happiness. It is believed that in few nations youngsters are often less cheerful, despite that they are more wealthier, safer and physically fit like never before. The main factors behind this is including work pressure and less time for family and friends. However, to overcome this phenomenon, many steps can be taken into consideration such as work-life balance and fun-activities at organization level. Young ones are not happy in their life because of work overload. It is common that these days majority of young people are busy to complete their project work within a given deadline. Due to which, most of their precious time utilized in handling the extensive work pressure. For instance, according to recent survey reports, innumerable youngsters are consuming anti-depression pills to fight against their workload stress. In addition to this, they do not have free time to spend with their loved ones. They are often busy in their working schedule and do not have time to share their emotions with their families and friends. Hence, most of the time they ended up being alone. Nevertheless, there are various actions that could be taken to tackle with this problem. The first and the foremost solution would be that to maintain the work-life balance in majority of young people's life. It is a fact that if there would be fixed working hours in the offices then youngsters can make the best use of spare hours to be together with their families or to go out to enjoy with their friends. Moreover, companies can organize fun leisure activities at workplaces, so that it can cheer up the employees and give them opportunity to interact with each other and laugh. For instance, organizations should construct sports areas and cafeterias inside their infrastructures, so that employees can visit there as their past-time activities. After comprehending all the implications, It can be concluded that the main cause of depression in youngsters is work stress. However, it can mitigate by taking multiple steps including maintaining work-life balance and adding free time activities during working hours. To reiterate, all what requires is a pragmatic and balanced approach towards it.
Money can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
happiness. It
is believed
that in few nations youngsters are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
less cheerful, despite that they are
Use only "wealthier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more wealthier
, safer and
physically
fit like never
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. The main factors behind this is including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
pressure and less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for family and friends.
However
, to overcome this phenomenon,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
steps can
be taken
into consideration such as work-life balance and fun-activities at organization level. Young ones are not happy in their life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
overload. It is common that these
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "days'" or "day's"?
days
majority of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are busy to complete their project
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
within a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
deadline. Due to which, most of their precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
utilized in handling the extensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
pressure.
For instance
, according to recent survey reports, innumerable youngsters are consuming anti-depression pills to fight against their workload
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
In addition
to this, they do not have free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones. They are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
busy in their working schedule and do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to share their emotions with their families and friends.
Hence
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they ended up being alone.
Nevertheless
, there are various actions that could
be taken
to tackle with this problem. The
first
and the foremost solution would be that to maintain the work-life balance in
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life. It is a fact that if there would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
working hours in the offices then youngsters can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of spare hours to be together with their families or to go out to enjoy with their friends.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
can organize fun leisure activities at workplaces,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it can cheer up the employees and give them opportunity to interact with each other and laugh.
For instance
, organizations should construct sports areas and cafeterias inside their infrastructures,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that employees can visit there as their past-time activities. After comprehending all the implications, It can
be concluded
that the main cause of depression in youngsters is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
However
, it can mitigate by taking multiple steps including maintaining work-life balance and adding free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
activities during working hours. To reiterate, all what requires is a pragmatic and balanced approach towards it.
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IELTS essay In some countries young people are not only richer, but also safer and healthier than ever before. However, they are often less happy. What do you think are the reasons for this and what can be done to help?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
359 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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