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An Increasing Number Of Professionals Leave Their Poorer Countries To Work In Developed Countries | Band 8 IELTS Essay Sample

An Increasing Number Of Professionals Leave Their Poorer Countries To Work In Developed Countries | Band 8 IELTS Essay Sample g5DGa
More and more public officials, like doctors and teachers, choose to work in more economically advanced countries. This essay will first suggest that the biggest problems caused by this phenomenon are the low rate of education and high level of illness among people in certain countries and then argue that raising salaries for the professionals and providing some benefits from the government’s side are the most viable solutions. The foremost problems that are caused by the scarce of professionals in the field of medicine and teaching are the decrease in the number of educated people and worsening of physical well-being of people. As more professors and doctors will be leaving the country, as less students will be fully educated and the growth rate of population will be decreasing. Which doesn’t lead to the growth of country’s economy. Nowadays, the increasing number of professionals in the field of education and medicine in Kazakhstan try to have higher qualification in developed countries like the USA and EU countries, where afterwards they may stay for living due to its high quality of life and well-paid job. Possible solutions to these problems would be to increase the amount of money that they get for their job and to raise the benefits that they may get from working in certain areas. If government raises salaries and benefits in form of free housing or free medical service for those who work in public institutions, it may motivate to stay in their home countries and even attract more and more students to choose those careers as their future occupation. In developed countries as Switzerland, doctors and teachers are one of the most high-payed jobs, because the government is mostly concerned about the education and health of its population, which, indeed, builds strong nation. To conclude, the immigration of such professionals in the sphere of medicine and education is one of the most foremost challenges we face and it will ultimately lead to some countries’ reduction of education and health-care rate, but possible solutions could be a raise of payment for their jobs or giving advantages as a physical property.
More and more public officials, like doctors and teachers, choose to work in more
economically
advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. This essay will
first
suggest that the biggest problems caused by this phenomenon are the low rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and high level of illness among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and then argue that raising salaries for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
and providing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
’s side are the most viable solutions.

The foremost problems that
are caused
by
The phrase 'the scarce of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the scarce of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
in the field of medicine and teaching are the decrease in the number of educated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and worsening of physical well-being of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. As more professors and doctors will be leaving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, as
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun students is countable.
less
students will be
fully
educated and the growth rate of population will be decreasing.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
doesn’t lead to the growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
economy. Nowadays, the increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
in the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and medicine in Kazakhstan try to have higher qualification in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like the USA and EU
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, where afterwards they may stay for living due to its high quality of life and well-paid job.

Possible solutions to these problems would be to increase the amount of money that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
for their job and to raise the benefits that they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from working in certain areas. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
raises salaries and benefits in form of free housing or free medical service for those who work in public institutions, it may motivate to stay in their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and even attract more and more students to choose those careers as their future occupation. In developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
as Switzerland, doctors and teachers are one of the most high-payed jobs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is
mostly
concerned about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and health of its population, which,
indeed
, builds strong nation.

To conclude
, the immigration of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
in the sphere of medicine and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is one of the most foremost challenges we face and it will
ultimately
lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries’
reduction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and health-care rate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
possible solutions could be a raise of payment for their jobs or giving advantages as a physical property.
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IELTS essay An Increasing Number Of Professionals Leave Their Poorer Countries To Work In Developed Countries | Band 8 IELTS Essay Sample

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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